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Thread: The Mental Health Thread

  1. #41
    Senior Member Youki-Hi's Avatar
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    I always used to believe that therapy was rubbish and it was just an excuse for attention seekers to have someone to pay complete attention to them. It's actually pretty good. You have to work hard at it because it's changing your way of thinking and it doesn't work for everyone but I think a lot of people are surprised at how effective it can be.
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  2. #42
    Senior Member tattoo taffy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xBenji View Post
    what sort of side effects have you had with the effexor?
    at the starting dose it was really messing around with my sleep pattern- either sleeping at inappropriate times or barely getting a few hours a night. that seems to have solved itself going up to 75 mg, however i've noticed that the 'sweating' side affect has increased. i've had to switch antiperspirants to keep it under control haha.
    same thing with sleep patterns, i average about 7 hours in a 24 hour period but have been known to go comatose for up to 16 hours, other than that i am fine in all other respects..
    Nick

    piercings:

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    L/R daith piercings

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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by SleeeepyHollow View Post
    I've had my fair share of deelings with mental health problems i guess, but I've been reluctant to comment on this thread.

    My sister is 19. It all started when she stopped going to school when she was 13, and I was around 11. She would cry alot, have tantrums and generally refuse. As a result she got no GCSE's. After a while it came out that she had been self harming, and was taking alot of painkillers etc. We went on through the years and saw many mental health professionals, she's had her medication changed more times than I can count, but it took around 3 years for us to even get any medication. She's had several diagnosis', depression is a cert, then bipolar, bpd, social anxiety, the list goes on really. She has had several suicide attempts, bouts of binging on alcohol, spells where she doesn't eat and gets dangerously thin, she can keep the entire house up until 4 am because she'll get drunk and slit her wrists.

    Every day life is very hard, she has no friends, doesn't go out, stays awake all night and sleeps all day. She doesn't help around the house, she doesn't work, she doesn't do anything. Every now and then we make progress, we managed to get her on a OU course, and she did it for a few motnhs then quit. Which is the same for most things, she puts the brakes on as soon as we get anywhere. I try and make a point of getting her out the house, I make plans especially for her, a day trip, then usually on the morning she bails on me. Its really hard because we're extremely close, and sometimes it feels as though its me. I know its stupid to think that but it gets to you, its so hard when she wants to die because it feels as though she's trying to abandon me. We've got matching tattoos and we can read each others minds! We are best friends, completely.
    it is great that she has someone as wonderful and as close as you to be there, i lost count of how many times i looked at the pain in my wife's eyes but you know what.....it was that eye contact that helped pull me through and get me to where i am today..
    Nick

    piercings:

    both lobes at 22mm
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    frenulum at 12g

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    tattoos:
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    want:
    pierced nipples
    maybe a tongue web'
    L/R daith piercings

    RETIRED
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  4. #44
    Senior Member SleeeepyHollow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattoo taffy View Post
    it is great that she has someone as wonderful and as close as you to be there, i lost count of how many times i looked at the pain in my wife's eyes but you know what.....it was that eye contact that helped pull me through and get me to where i am today..
    Thankyou That means alot.


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  5. #45
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    As against mental health prejudices as I am, and as passionate I am about this subject, I shy away from mentioning my own issues. I've tried... usually when I'm trying to educate others about how anyone can have a mental illness, but afterwards I find myself thinking 'you idiot!!! you stupid weak little man... weakness, weakness, weakness!!!!'. I don't like to throw gender on it like others do and say 'oh... it's your male pride', so I won't go there. I just get pissed that I try and instil confidence in others to not feel scared/ashamed to talk about their own issues....and yet I am myself. Still, so many of you have had the courage to share your own stories, so I'll give it a go.
    In a nutshell, I have issues with social anxiety (it verged on extreme a few years ago), and I have questionably been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. It's become evidently more likely that I do suffer from bipolar disorder, but I remain currently untreated, i.e. I am not taking medication nor am I receiving any kind of therapeutic treatment, though I have recently self-referred myself to a mental health and well-being service. My fear of discussing my mental health issues, is in part due to wanting to keep things private, in part because I feel it's not really anyone else's business unless I trust them (and I struggle to trust people), my own shame around it (I won't lie - I'm embarrassed by having a mental disorder, so I'm trying to tackle my own stigma) but also because of attitudes I've had from people in the past, the main thing being to 'buck up' or that I just need 'to pull [my]self together'. So at times, I find myself echoing their very words: 'Oh just pull yourself together you big baby, buck up.... get over it.' Of course, it never works, but, it's the vicious ride I've placed myself on. The worst thing I've since noticed is this piss-awful attitude of people saying 'OMG, STOP BEING SOOOO EMO!!!'. No wonder people keep things to theirselves.

    As far as meds go:
    I was on Liquid Citalopram [an anti-depressant] back in 2007 for about 2 months (I can't swallow tablets, but I was taking the equivalent of a 40mg dose), then came off it, because I thought they were useless. Everyone kept pissing me off by saying 'you haven't given them a chance, of course they're not working!' I just flipped and thought 'fuck it. what have I got to lose... they won't work for me in the long run, but hey, whatever. It'll get people off my goddam back' and I ended up on them for a year. I took them constantly - not because I wanted to, or because I was under the placebo effect (quite the opposite), but so that I had enough ground to stand on and say 'HA! THERE! I TOLD YOU THEY DON' WORK!' to all those that annoyed me enough to get on them. But at one point, I kept forgetting to take them and ended up with the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. I couldn't eat, I couldn't even drink - everything was forced back up. I was an absolute wreck and lost a hell of a lot of weight.

    I stopped taking them after that, but one day I found a stray unused bottle and I was in a pretty bad way, so, I wanted to harm myself. I have to admit, cutting scares the bejesus out of me - I've tried it, but I chickened out. My way of self harming was to swallow the entire contents, neat. I just wanted to feel physical pain and to block out what I was feeling emotionally, but I knew they wouldn't kill me, and I cockily told a nurse the same thing when I ended up in hospital. I really didn't care whether I lived or died, but I was adamant it wasn't a suicide attempt. A couple of years have passed since then, and I did once try to go back on them, but my body seems to remember the way I felt after that overdose so even the smallest amount makes me sick. Hell, the smell of that liquid makes me sick.... it's vile stuff trust me. Also,my GP was warned by two different psychiatrists that I kind of happened to be seeing not that long ago, that I should not, under any circumstances, be given antidepressants ever again as this would most likely induce suicidal or manic behaviour in me. I've resorted to herbal remedies - I don't have faith they'll work, but when you're desperate, you'll try anything.

    My moods have become incredibly worse recently, yo-yoing from up, to down, to normal, to up, to down, where I stay for an eternity, then back to normal, to down, to up, to down again. The prospect of self-harm by using sharp tools has become so appealing to me in a way that it never used to, that it's scary. As does the prospect of overdosing for the sole intention of inner-harm, but not death (though I also used to think if it did one day kill me, so what). I'm taking steps to try and combat my moods and anxiety though - I kickbox, I go to the gym, I write, I sometimes use my negatives as a muse - i.e. it's great for attacking punching bags when you have sensei's screaming at you to attack with all you've got, it's a great muse for writing (that is, when I can actually concentrate. My concentration has waned heavily) and it also keeps me humble. It keeps me grounded. I'd never want anyone to feel that kind of loneliness, mania or suicidal despair. I use it then as a driving force to try and help others out there who are struggling without a voice... at least before it gets to a point where they feel like suicide really is the only way out. And man oh man... I can't imagine the world of pain brought on by those who are left behind...
    "We must be the change we wish to see in the world"

    current piercings:
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    Retired almost all of my piercings


    RIGHT EAR:

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    • conch
    • daith
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  6. #46
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    Not wanting to sorta be all ''oh, I know how you feel'', bits of that sounded really like my own experiences Danny.The first time I took an overdose no-one actually knew, I was in year 11 I think, later when I was in therapy I got told the amount I took should've killed me, which at the time I think I found quite amusing.My second one was almost two years ago, couple of months before I was 17, when I overdosed on the fluoxetine I was on.Since I took it in college a counsellor rushed me to A&E, and of course my mum was called so the whole thing came out.Even now i'm not sure if my brother knows, so it still feels like something i'm ashamed of.

    After that, she found out about me being referred to CAMHS(?) which I was pretty grateful for since it felt like I shouldn't be embarrased by it, the doctor I had in A&E was really good at explaining things to me, but my mum didn't get it then and I doubt she ever will really, I guess some people can't.I've struggled with being around people since forever it seems, i've never found it easy to talk to people and I loathe being touched by people/trust is another big issue but then those emotions refer back to my childhood.

    Self-harm for me was a really good thing, I can see that that sounds an odd thing to feel but it was, even now it seems odd to me that I should be embarrased by it, or ashamed of cutting.Yet I am.When people have accidentally seen my scars i'll rush to hide them, avoid looking that person in the eye, and yet i'm not sure why because whatever they're thinking odds are i've already thought it.Even though I don't self-harm as much now(visibly) i'm still ashamed of how dependant I am on pills and alcohol, thanks to mixing them i've already blocked out sections of my life.Feeling so out of control that i'm in control.

    I don't really know where that's all come from, guess I haven't been able to open up to anyone for a while, but it feels easier just to write that all down, so hope it's not too bad for anyone to read.
    Current: Double nostrils, philtrum, nipple. Various cartilage, 9/16'' lobes.
    Retired: Nipple, navel x4, wrist, nape, MD, tongue web x2, lower lip piercings x4, nostril, helix, lobe piercings, septum, cheek piercings.
    4 tattoos.

    What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.
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  7. #47
    Senior Member tattoo taffy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny_James View Post
    As against mental health prejudices as I am, and as passionate I am about this subject, I shy away from mentioning my own issues. I've tried... usually when I'm trying to educate others about how anyone can have a mental illness, but afterwards I find myself thinking 'you idiot!!! you stupid weak little man... weakness, weakness, weakness!!!!'. I don't like to throw gender on it like others do and say 'oh... it's your male pride', so I won't go there. I just get pissed that I try and instil confidence in others to not feel scared/ashamed to talk about their own issues....and yet I am myself. Still, so many of you have had the courage to share your own stories, so I'll give it a go.
    In a nutshell, I have issues with social anxiety (it verged on extreme a few years ago), and I have questionably been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. It's become evidently more likely that I do suffer from bipolar disorder, but I remain currently untreated, i.e. I am not taking medication nor am I receiving any kind of therapeutic treatment, though I have recently self-referred myself to a mental health and well-being service. My fear of discussing my mental health issues, is in part due to wanting to keep things private, in part because I feel it's not really anyone else's business unless I trust them (and I struggle to trust people), my own shame around it (I won't lie - I'm embarrassed by having a mental disorder, so I'm trying to tackle my own stigma) but also because of attitudes I've had from people in the past, the main thing being to 'buck up' or that I just need 'to pull [my]self together'. So at times, I find myself echoing their very words: 'Oh just pull yourself together you big baby, buck up.... get over it.' Of course, it never works, but, it's the vicious ride I've placed myself on. The worst thing I've since noticed is this piss-awful attitude of people saying 'OMG, STOP BEING SOOOO EMO!!!'. No wonder people keep things to theirselves.

    As far as meds go:
    I was on Liquid Citalopram [an anti-depressant] back in 2007 for about 2 months (I can't swallow tablets, but I was taking the equivalent of a 40mg dose), then came off it, because I thought they were useless. Everyone kept pissing me off by saying 'you haven't given them a chance, of course they're not working!' I just flipped and thought 'fuck it. what have I got to lose... they won't work for me in the long run, but hey, whatever. It'll get people off my goddam back' and I ended up on them for a year. I took them constantly - not because I wanted to, or because I was under the placebo effect (quite the opposite), but so that I had enough ground to stand on and say 'HA! THERE! I TOLD YOU THEY DON' WORK!' to all those that annoyed me enough to get on them. But at one point, I kept forgetting to take them and ended up with the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. I couldn't eat, I couldn't even drink - everything was forced back up. I was an absolute wreck and lost a hell of a lot of weight.

    I stopped taking them after that, but one day I found a stray unused bottle and I was in a pretty bad way, so, I wanted to harm myself. I have to admit, cutting scares the bejesus out of me - I've tried it, but I chickened out. My way of self harming was to swallow the entire contents, neat. I just wanted to feel physical pain and to block out what I was feeling emotionally, but I knew they wouldn't kill me, and I cockily told a nurse the same thing when I ended up in hospital. I really didn't care whether I lived or died, but I was adamant it wasn't a suicide attempt. A couple of years have passed since then, and I did once try to go back on them, but my body seems to remember the way I felt after that overdose so even the smallest amount makes me sick. Hell, the smell of that liquid makes me sick.... it's vile stuff trust me. Also,my GP was warned by two different psychiatrists that I kind of happened to be seeing not that long ago, that I should not, under any circumstances, be given antidepressants ever again as this would most likely induce suicidal or manic behaviour in me. I've resorted to herbal remedies - I don't have faith they'll work, but when you're desperate, you'll try anything.

    My moods have become incredibly worse recently, yo-yoing from up, to down, to normal, to up, to down, where I stay for an eternity, then back to normal, to down, to up, to down again. The prospect of self-harm by using sharp tools has become so appealing to me in a way that it never used to, that it's scary. As does the prospect of overdosing for the sole intention of inner-harm, but not death (though I also used to think if it did one day kill me, so what). I'm taking steps to try and combat my moods and anxiety though - I kickbox, I go to the gym, I write, I sometimes use my negatives as a muse - i.e. it's great for attacking punching bags when you have sensei's screaming at you to attack with all you've got, it's a great muse for writing (that is, when I can actually concentrate. My concentration has waned heavily) and it also keeps me humble. It keeps me grounded. I'd never want anyone to feel that kind of loneliness, mania or suicidal despair. I use it then as a driving force to try and help others out there who are struggling without a voice... at least before it gets to a point where they feel like suicide really is the only way out. And man oh man... I can't imagine the world of pain brought on by those who are left behind...
    this might sound stupid but you might try a suspension or just a slight pulling session to get rid of your angst.....
    Nick

    piercings:

    both lobes at 22mm
    both conch's punched at 8g
    septum at 6g
    frenulum at 12g

    left eyebrow at 10g

    tattoos:
    3/4 tattoo body suit

    want:
    pierced nipples
    maybe a tongue web'
    L/R daith piercings

    RETIRED
    both tragus's 12g due to severe migration



    hit me up on crackbook

    http://tattootaffy.tumblr.com/

  8. #48
    Senior Member tattoo taffy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soph_17 View Post
    Not wanting to sorta be all ''oh, I know how you feel'', bits of that sounded really like my own experiences Danny.The first time I took an overdose no-one actually knew, I was in year 11 I think, later when I was in therapy I got told the amount I took should've killed me, which at the time I think I found quite amusing.My second one was almost two years ago, couple of months before I was 17, when I overdosed on the fluoxetine I was on.Since I took it in college a counsellor rushed me to A&E, and of course my mum was called so the whole thing came out.Even now i'm not sure if my brother knows, so it still feels like something i'm ashamed of.

    After that, she found out about me being referred to CAMHS(?) which I was pretty grateful for since it felt like I shouldn't be embarrased by it, the doctor I had in A&E was really good at explaining things to me, but my mum didn't get it then and I doubt she ever will really, I guess some people can't.I've struggled with being around people since forever it seems, i've never found it easy to talk to people and I loathe being touched by people/trust is another big issue but then those emotions refer back to my childhood.

    Self-harm for me was a really good thing, I can see that that sounds an odd thing to feel but it was, even now it seems odd to me that I should be embarrased by it, or ashamed of cutting.Yet I am.When people have accidentally seen my scars i'll rush to hide them, avoid looking that person in the eye, and yet i'm not sure why because whatever they're thinking odds are i've already thought it.Even though I don't self-harm as much now(visibly) i'm still ashamed of how dependant I am on pills and alcohol, thanks to mixing them i've already blocked out sections of my life.Feeling so out of control that i'm in control.

    I don't really know where that's all come from, guess I haven't been able to open up to anyone for a while, but it feels easier just to write that all down, so hope it's not too bad for anyone to read.
    i enjoy reading your story Soph, i can feel your emotions as i delve further into your feelings and fears.............you are strong and you will one day look back on this and write an autobiography about it, this is the vision i see for you...
    Nick

    piercings:

    both lobes at 22mm
    both conch's punched at 8g
    septum at 6g
    frenulum at 12g

    left eyebrow at 10g

    tattoos:
    3/4 tattoo body suit

    want:
    pierced nipples
    maybe a tongue web'
    L/R daith piercings

    RETIRED
    both tragus's 12g due to severe migration



    hit me up on crackbook

    http://tattootaffy.tumblr.com/

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by soph_17 View Post
    Not wanting to sorta be all ''oh, I know how you feel'', bits of that sounded really like my own experiences Danny.The first time I took an overdose no-one actually knew, I was in year 11 I think, later when I was in therapy I got told the amount I took should've killed me, which at the time I think I found quite amusing.My second one was almost two years ago, couple of months before I was 17, when I overdosed on the fluoxetine I was on.Since I took it in college a counsellor rushed me to A&E, and of course my mum was called so the whole thing came out.Even now i'm not sure if my brother knows, so it still feels like something i'm ashamed of.

    After that, she found out about me being referred to CAMHS(?) which I was pretty grateful for since it felt like I shouldn't be embarrased by it, the doctor I had in A&E was really good at explaining things to me, but my mum didn't get it then and I doubt she ever will really, I guess some people can't.I've struggled with being around people since forever it seems, i've never found it easy to talk to people and I loathe being touched by people/trust is another big issue but then those emotions refer back to my childhood.

    Self-harm for me was a really good thing, I can see that that sounds an odd thing to feel but it was, even now it seems odd to me that I should be embarrased by it, or ashamed of cutting.Yet I am.When people have accidentally seen my scars i'll rush to hide them, avoid looking that person in the eye, and yet i'm not sure why because whatever they're thinking odds are i've already thought it.Even though I don't self-harm as much now(visibly) i'm still ashamed of how dependant I am on pills and alcohol, thanks to mixing them i've already blocked out sections of my life.Feeling so out of control that i'm in control.

    I don't really know where that's all come from, guess I haven't been able to open up to anyone for a while, but it feels easier just to write that all down, so hope it's not too bad for anyone to read.
    I knew a thread like this would open up certain gateways.... but wow. With every line, I just stopped and pictured you there, in that moment. Sorry if that sounds stupid or cliche, honestly, it's not meant to be. And the way you managed to, in a single line about control, sum up so much... makes me stop and look at many of the things I've done, or many of the things I've seen others do. And then I think about that word... control. I used to always hear people link control to conditions like anorexia and bulimia, as well as self-harm. I never used to get it, until I felt like things were out of my own control and how, in a sick way, sometimes I got high off my own pain and self-destruction, like yeeeeahhh, I'M the one in control of my own spiralling 'fucked-upness'.

    *heavy sigh*

    It's interesting that you should mention your scars and how you react when people see them. I've seen so many scars on people's arms and it's funny but I always find myself thinking the same thing - nah, they're not those kind of scars. Like I'm in denial that anyone could hurt that much, cos all I see at a glance is the surface. And I see everyone else around me as normal and content, so surely the scars at cat scratches or something... yeah, surely. Keep telling yourself that Danny. Someone said to me today when I said 'aargh, I'm back at work' that I didn't seem the type to be unhappy about things like that cos I seem like one of those types who's happy all the time.... I guess it works both ways.

    Thanks for writing what you did though soph_17.
    "We must be the change we wish to see in the world"

    current piercings:
    LEFT EAR:
    Retired almost all of my piercings


    RIGHT EAR:

    • 10 mm lobe stretch - temporarily retired
    • conch
    • daith
    • 2 self-pierced retired lobe piercings

    OTHER:

    • lip piercing - retired as of June 2010
    • tongue piercing
    • Right sleeve - work in progress
    • Half left sleeve - needs finishing


  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny_James View Post
    I knew a thread like this would open up certain gateways.... but wow. With every line, I just stopped and pictured you there, in that moment. Sorry if that sounds stupid or cliche, honestly, it's not meant to be. And the way you managed to, in a single line about control, sum up so much... makes me stop and look at many of the things I've done, or many of the things I've seen others do. And then I think about that word... control. I used to always hear people link control to conditions like anorexia and bulimia, as well as self-harm. I never used to get it, until I felt like things were out of my own control and how, in a sick way, sometimes I got high off my own pain and self-destruction, like yeeeeahhh, I'M the one in control of my own spiralling 'fucked-upness'.

    *heavy sigh*

    It's interesting that you should mention your scars and how you react when people see them. I've seen so many scars on people's arms and it's funny but I always find myself thinking the same thing - nah, they're not those kind of scars. Like I'm in denial that anyone could hurt that much, cos all I see at a glance is the surface. And I see everyone else around me as normal and content, so surely the scars at cat scratches or something... yeah, surely. Keep telling yourself that Danny. Someone said to me today when I said 'aargh, I'm back at work' that I didn't seem the type to be unhappy about things like that cos I seem like one of those types who's happy all the time.... I guess it works both ways.

    Thanks for writing what you did though soph_17.
    Yeah, I think this thread's already quite good, I really don't know where that whole tirade came from, but obviously it's a lot easier to write it all to a computer screen then actually talk to someone.Thanks for reading it though, and cheers Nick too, I don't think i'm the auto-biography type though i've probably got enough to fill one
    Current: Double nostrils, philtrum, nipple. Various cartilage, 9/16'' lobes.
    Retired: Nipple, navel x4, wrist, nape, MD, tongue web x2, lower lip piercings x4, nostril, helix, lobe piercings, septum, cheek piercings.
    4 tattoos.

    What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.
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