Thread: Kids v No Kids

  1. #1361

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    I love kids, but I also love doing lots of traveling and backpacking. Bringing a kid into the world is not on my plate right now but maybe in the future

  2. #1362
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobgnarly View Post
    I love kids, but I also love doing lots of traveling and backpacking. Bringing a kid into the world is not on my plate right now but maybe in the future
    I totally empathise with that! I'm still undecided, but being a man I have a bit more of the luxury of being able to wait.

  3. #1363
    Member Culbrelai's Avatar
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    Absolutely not, they cause more problems then they are worth. Pregnant daughters, rebellious sons, etc. Only 18 now and everyone says "It'll change! You'll want them at some time!" and im like lol no I'm too narcissistic

  4. #1364

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    I love kids but have never had any. Don't regret it at all. Not having kids is the single best thing you can do for the planet.

  5. #1365
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    When I was a teenager, I claimed I didn't want kids but did so as a kind of rebellion against any expectations society (or indeed I myself) had of me as a woman, as a being expected to be feminine or caring. But this was mostly just anger and confusion and petty mindedness - I was not living in a situation which inspired me to loving kindness or motherly inclinations. I was not even comfortable around children, whether relatives or strangers. Then, in my early 20's I went through a phase that I had been promised by pretty much every adult that I had ever told I did not want children - I underwent some intense personal development and suddenly became unbearably broody - children on the bus had me beaming sunshine and ga-ga-gooing and I confess that I wanted a baby. However, it would not have been right to have them at that time (I didn't have a steady job or the right partner) and so I didn’t have a baby, and that urge… well, it went away again. I am now 23, and I presently do not want children. I feel like I kind of went through my broody phase and I am over it. Motherhood is a beautiful thing - it is a wonderful thing, the highest, most praised of roles, when performed correctly - it is the basis of life, of society. Motherhood is wonderful, a miracle, a spiritual blessing of the highest order. As such, it should not be undertaken lightly. And, frankly, it should not be taken by everyone. I thank my lucky stars I didn't have a baby when the urge kicked in - it would have been one of the worst decisions of my life. As much as I have come to love children and praise deeply the role of the mother in society, I am not meant to be a mother. I have a lot of motherly qualities - I am loyal and fiercely protective, I am loving and nurturing, I am hardworking and a good teacher. I love books, I love learning, I love playing. These are all maternal qualities, and at least somewhat feminine qualities. But they are not enough, in my opinion, to qualify actually having children. For one, I lack the social ease and societal training to raise a child that could fully integrate with its society, with its community. I also physically and mentally display symptoms, qualities and traits that suggest I may not be the most genetically suitable for reproduction - I have had anxiety and depression, bad teeth, allergies, etc.... sexy eh? :P

    There is also a selfish element to it. I lead an alternative lifestyle, and I wish to continue doing so. I am in a loving, committed relationship and engaged to be married, reasonably well educated and working, but I would rather work a few days a week and basically have the internet, books and food than work full time and have holidays and nice clothes and fancy TV's or, y'know, work full time and overtime, constantly trying to earn enough to support my children and keep them happy whilst also trying to spend as much time as possible with them. It's a horrible thing to say in this day and age, and I expect and probably deserve criticism for saying it, but... well, I don't have anything against working mums. Really, I don't. However, I do think that a lot of mums who don't have the resources to do just the things they want to do - whether that's only caring for their kids, or caring for their kids and working a bit, or mostly working and having good childcare for their kids - end up working themselves to misery, whether they admit it to themselves or not, and I am not sure the outcome of a couple of happy kids is worth the price. It's not just natural temperament reducing the pool of potential mothers either - society limits the ability of women to be mothers, too. I don't want that lifestyle and considering that there are women out there who really, desperately want to be mothers, I don't see any need for me to take up social resources being a mother when it is not my primary goal in life. Being a parent it hard, whether you are a mother or a father - it really needs to be your main goal in life, and for those people who feel that way, society should support them fully. Me? I want to read. I want to think, and sit with nature. I want to talk to strangers on the bus and go broke and wind up living in a tent and sleep naked in a field and… well, you get the idea. I have other family who will carry on the ‘family line’ and who are really more genetically and emotionally equipt to do so and who in fact would love being parents. I probably wouldn’t make as good a parents as any of them, at least in part because I would worry too much about being a good parent. For some people, motherhood comes naturally. For others, not so much. The only thing I cannot stand is people who criticise motherhood or fatherhood – these are sacred, community roles, the final show in what is, essentially, humanity showing that it has hope in itself. I am not yet sure whether it can be called a weakness that I do not seek out motherhood.

    If I change my mind somewhere down the line, I hope I will adopt or volunteer with children rather than having my own. There are a lot of kids out there that need care and the mere fact that I know that, in my opinion, means I have an obligation to do something about it should the opportunity present itself. I don't know what the future holds, but right now I don't want kids. There are good reasons for my decision and I do not consider it immoral, wasteful or broken in any way. Not having kids is a valid decision - most people DO want children, but for those that do not, there should be no stigma attached. However, there is a little part of me that feels that since parenthood is so essential to the survival of a society, that since for that majority of people do have children and that their lives and their time are dominated by raising those children (or at least should be), I do not see why, for those without children, there should not be some expectation for them to achieve in other areas of their lives. Social development, career development, personal development, community development, artistic development etc. Childbearing is such a traditionally dominant component of the human lifecycle that if nothing else takes over the time and space where it would ordinarily reside, a person can become… lacking.

  6. #1366
    Junior Member lolabunnie1002's Avatar
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    I like kids, I love babies but I love sleep more so I like to be able to hand them back at the end of the day. Haha. I am useless without sleep so I don't think I'd be a very good Mama.
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  7. #1367
    Senior Member Nomos's Avatar
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    I'm still young and at the moment i cant see myself wanting kids. Maybe when i'm older and have found the right woman i'll feel different.
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  8. #1368
    Junior Member CreyPaper's Avatar
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    I never really wanted kids but... I got married at 18, had a kid at 20 and another at 21. Both boys. I partied enough between 13 - 18 to last a lifetime.

    I am so glad I did. This year I will be 43 and my boys are 22 and 21. I was young enough to run around after them when they were little. I am still young enough to go out drinking with them and have fun! My boys are two of my best friends. My husband and I now have the money and job stability to travel and the maturity to go with it. I am confident that when I have grandkids I will STILL be young and healthy enough to chase them down as well

    P.S. I am SO glad I didn't have girls. My story might have turned out completely different if I did.

  9. #1369
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    I've been a step parent and parent since the age of 19, it's never stopped me partying
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  10. #1370

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    i wouldn't mind having kids in the future but not now and i respect other people's right to not have them. i think our views on kids change as we go on through life when you are young yerself you mostly don't seek to have kids but as we get older we do start to consider it even more.

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