Thread: Kids v No Kids

  1. #1281
    Senior Member DehTripper's Avatar
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    I enjoy children but am 100% sure I do not want a baby at this stage in my life. I have very specific career goals and I have to be able to pick up and move where the fish are... at least until i'm settled into a proper job I just don't think it would be fair. So another 6 years ish if ever...

    I'm from a small poor industrial city that has a LOT of teen pregnancy (especially low income areas). Of the kids I used to play with when I grew up with (now 25 3 years) can only think of one other person who doesn't have children. None, other than myself have really left the city and many many of them are on welfare/never worked a day in their life. There's a large population that were brought up in single parent homes supported by the government who then pass the lifestyle to their children.

    Not that its wrong to have children young for everyone, but I feel like I spent my teen/young years soooooooo opposed to being another teen pregnancy statistic that I am still overwhelmingly freaked out by the thought of it and I'm 25. Its a hard transition when you're "allowed" to be happy for friends when they get pregnant (rather than it being scandalous).
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  2. #1282
    Senior Member Elelia's Avatar
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    I'd quite like to have kids in later life. At the moment i'm 16 and i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I got the contraceptive implant which will last me until 2014 and then my plan is to get it replaced straight away. I feel as if underage pregnancy is such a common thing nowdays aswell as people 16-19 having kids a lot aswell and I just couldn't imagine having kids that young.. I really want to have a stable career and be in a relationship for at least 5 years before I would even consider a child. I think the fact my parents are in such a stable and happy relationship has really made me think about what situation i'd like to be in when I begin to consider children. I have many friends (inc my boyfriend) whose family break down has given them a lot of mental damage and i'd like to make sure I was in a happy relationship.. I wouldn't like to be one of those couples who are together for their children.
    I am also a bit worried about what my possible future childs health would be like because my family health is pretty bad aswell as my current boyfriends. But hey, I wouldn't even want to consider a child until i'm settled and god knows what medical advances will have been made.

    Quote Originally Posted by redraven View Post
    Good article considering it's from the Daily Fail. Seen many like it before and to me it just sums up how crappy and judgemental society is towards everyone about any choice relating to children.

    You say you don't want kids as a younger person - people either say you'll change your mind when you're older
    You say you don't want kids as an older person - see that article etc (you're selfish/not complete/won't be happy/unfair etc)
    You don't have kids and are too old/unable to do so - Your life is over, you will never know what it's like to be **** blah etc
    You have only 1 kid and say you don't want any more - You're cruel to that kid, it will be lonely, a spoilt brat
    You can't have kids - it must be awful, soul destroying, you must have IVF etc
    You have a kid with a disability - you must have done something wrong during your pregnancy
    You have 2 kids and they're the same sex - when are you going to have another so you can have a boy/girl, it's not fair they only have a brother/sister
    You have 3 or more kids - you're popping them out like you don't give a shit about them
    You have 5 or more kids - you're a baby making machine and can't possibly look after them all, how selfish!
    You have kids and go to work - you're cruel cos you put them in day care
    You have kids and stay at home and don't work - you're lazy
    You have kids and work from home - you must ignore them all day.

    I could go on forever. Sad thing is, no matter what anyone does, what anyone wants, what anyone expresses, someone somewhere will berate and belittle you for it. I've been called numerous ridiculous things before, during and after having a child, that included being near convinced for quite a while I may not even have kids. So I feel for anyone who goes through such shit from 'friends' and from society.

    I also learned that it's usually a discussion/conversation I explain is my personal business and if people don't like that they can FO
    I completely agree that these stereotypes are horrible.
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  3. #1283
    Senior Member Coraz0ndeOro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redraven View Post
    You have only 1 kid and say you don't want any more - You're cruel to that kid, it will be lonely, a spoilt brat
    Ugh, I HATE that argument! A child needs to learn to socialize with people outside the family no matter how many, if any siblings they have.

    Oh and another one: if you wait too long between children it's not fair because they won't be close in age and can't play together/have a real sibling relationship. Nothing like ridiculous guilt trips to pressure people into having more kids than they want before they're ready!
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  4. #1284
    Senior Member Elelia's Avatar
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    The next youngest child of my parents (all my siblings are step siblings as my parents only got married a few years before I was born) is 15 years older than me and I constantly hear stuff like that, I find it very insulting :(
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  5. #1285
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    It must be horrid to have such things said to you tbh. I've been told before I've been unfair only having one child, that he'll be spoilt and not able to form relationships properly, whilst the latter is true it's not down to having siblings or not it's because he's ASD which one person nearly intimated one day may have been something to do with how I acted/choices I made during pregnancy/infancy. You have to start letting it go over your head at some point really because everyone is a critic sadly.
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  6. #1286
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    No kidz!

    I realize in my family tree theres a lot of failed fathers,loveless marriage and therefore I don't want to produce a loveless child. I'm not particular fond of children anyway so I guess this makes a lot of sense. I have a lot of admiration people who do have kids its a lot of hard work,patience and care,which I do have those qualities on being a good father. but the current mw wage that I'm earning makes it near impossible.

  7. #1287
    Senior Member redribbon's Avatar
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    Good points, I liked the article too. Didn't like one of the narrow-minded comments in the article about people furthering their career instead of having kids as emotionally detatched from their maternal instincts. Bullsh*t. I have five brothers and the youngest is only 14 (I'm 33), I'm second oldest and have always helped to raise them as well as my 2 1/2 year old neice. I don't want kids as I like my own independance - not selfishly but I've lived a struggling life with so many mouths to feed/dramas/stress due to brothers growing up as well as all the joys. I want to pursue a career, yes you can do both but I've never had the urge for my own kids as since I was 16 I've helped raise babies.
    Not the same as having my own - obviously but I'm stubbornly independant and the thought of having dependant solely on me is completely off-putting. So many women have said to me how I'm doing the right thing, focusing on my life rather than just churning out kids cuz it's expected or an easy option (it's not!) and alot have said they'd never change their kids but would have done it later/differently/wish they had their freedom again.
    I've experienced bitterness from mothers who I feel are really quite jealous of me having no kids. Yes, kids are a joy you can't compare but there's mothers/fathers out there that lack that parenting instinct and are dragging their kids up to the point of actually resenting them. I look around at the feral kids down my street and dread them growing up because the cycle of churning out kids starts again.
    That's just my opinion.
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  8. #1288
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    I feel really sorry for any parent (not just mothers) who resent/regret having their children. No part of me regrets it or is jealous of anyone who doesn't have kids, then again nor do I think I'm better than someone who has made a different life choice to me. I don't see how me comparing my life to others will help me or anyone around me get by in life.

    No regrets, but that's how I life my life regardless, it's too short to be fretting over what-if's and contrasting against others. I respect all life choices and plans as long as they don't harm other individuals or give a child a lesser life to live. Then again we're all going to have different views on what is a 'good' life for a child. Many would say my situation is awful, I think it's perfect. I love my child and he loves me, he's been brought up well and has all he needs. I may not have a great career or a stable relationship anymore but money/marriage isn't what's important.

    I'd never tell anyone what they are doing is right/wrong when it comes to their life path, it's personal to them. What's right for one will be wrong for another. Live and let live.
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  9. #1289
    Senior Member Rattybabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redribbon View Post
    Didn't like one of the narrow-minded comments in the article about people furthering their career instead of having kids as emotionally detatched from their maternal instincts. Bullsh*t.
    That annoyed me too, but it's from someone who is obviously ignorant and stupid.

    I don't even have a career, but I still don't want them - I just want different things in my life.
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  10. #1290
    Magnificent Moderator Kaitey (:'s Avatar
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    It kinda annoyed me how she kept say/inferring that you can't have a good, long, happy relationship and have kids! Yes, it's harder work since you have less time / money but its not bloody impossible!! Gah!!
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