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Thread: General Relationship Thread

  1. #41
    Senior Member Laura - Marie's Avatar
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    Thats a really nice picture Bus i think? haha You look gorgeoua together, really happy
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  2. #42
    Senior Member Dudette1's Avatar
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    I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now, and I can't help but wonder if things are right between us.
    It's so weird.

    Twice now we've split up - with him initiating it because he goes through these stages where he just goes all weird, like he doesn't know what he wants and thinks that by breaking up with me it'll help sort things out in his head. Then literally the next day he regrets it and begs for me back.

    So we get back together and I just tell him he needs to talk to me because when he bottles things up he goes stupid.

    The thing is, he's so laid back, last week we saw each other on the sunday, then didn't see each other again til this Tuesday. I went out on Saturday with my friend (who he doesn't like because he thinks something went on with us - which it didn't) and he went out with his friends and we ended up in the same place but I didn't go up and talk to him because he hadn't actually told me he was going there so I thought well he's obviously going to think I'm checking up on him because I'd already seen his mates and I assumed they would tell him that they had seen me and I'd seen them. But then when I saw him Tuesday he was asking millions of questions, just because he was jealous that I was with this friend of mine. Then when I mentioned that I'd seen him he was like 'oh, why didn't you come and talk to me?' and I said because he was with his friends and i was with mine - that's his usual attitude so I stuck to it myself. I thought if I went up to him he'd think I was going to stick with them all night. he goes from one extreme to the other - not caring to being upset that I didn't go over to him! He knew I was there and he didn't seem too fazed so whats the difference? I was also annoyed because i felt like he had avoided texting to tell me where he was going in case I turned up - although as it turns out I was there already.

    He's told me before that he used to think I'd sometimes turn up in a place where he was with his friends to like check up on him or something - which was never the case because I always just went where my friends went, but another time he actually admitted he had turned up somewhere that I went because he thought I was with another guy (this same friend of mine).

    I found out the first time he split up with me was because he had cheated on me and was partly out of guilt, I went mental, called him all the names under the sun, etc etc.
    We still ended up back together.

    The thing that really gets to me is that when he's trying to win me over he's like the perfect boyfriend, but once we're settled again he goes cool.
    As I already said, he's really laid back and when we didn't see each other for this week, I said to him does it even bother you that we've not seen each other for over a week? And he said I don't know, I thought it was nice to just do our own thing for a few days, I thought you would too.

    Part of the reason why we didn't see each other was because I had a ton of Uni work due on the Friday - but that leaves the weekend does it not?

    I think he's pretty much a loner as well, he'd happily go home from work and do a whole lot of time wasting all night and not even cross his mind to ring me or one of his friends. so because of that I feel like it's always me who asks to see him. Then he seems to think that I'm really dependant on him, which i'm not because I go out with my mates all the time but at the moment he doesn't go out at all, apart from going on 'dates' with me.

    Last time we got back together we said we'd take it slowly, as if we were starting again from the beginning, but to me that was hard because we'd already been together 3 years. It had also freaked him out because he started thinking about marriage, reckons because we've been together nearly 3 years why shouldn't we get engaged? And broke up with me because he couldn't see us getting married - although that was quite a different story last time we broke up. Then we got back together because he realised he's an idiot. I said to him why the hell are you thinking about getting engaged? You're obviously not ready to do it, so why do you think you HAVE to think about it just because we've been together nearly 3 years? Things will be totally different when he actually IS ready for marriage.

    Sorry for the stupidly long post, I guess i just had to get a few things out, I just don't know what to do anymore, at the moment we're texting as usual, but I just feel like I'm making all the effort. He's not even very affectionate, unless he's trying to win me over, and then says it's because it doesn't come naturally to him, and I just said well that's the case for most people but they try!

    Why do I have to have such a laid back boyfriend? I look at other couples and just wish he'd do spontaneous things like turn up at my house to take me out or whatever, but he's just not romantic.


    /essay
    Last edited by Dudette1; 03-20-2008 at 10:41 AM.
    Alex


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  3. #43
    Senior Member Foostar's Avatar
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    Honestly, how do you feel about him?

    A friend said this to me when I was going through trouble with my boyfriend - think 5 years ahead and imagine nothing in your relationship has changed on HIS side. Could you stand 5 years of that?
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  4. #44
    Senior Member Dudette1's Avatar
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    Thats the thing, I love him and I do want to be with him. If that wasn't the case I'd have ended it long ago.

    I've been putting up with this kind of thing pretty much throughout our whole relationship, because he's always been a weirdo as far as I'm concerned. It's like he just doesn't know how to handle being in a serious relationship, he's 21 and I'm his first proper girlfriend so it's like he thinks he can still act the way he did when he didn't have a girlfriend to think about. He's selfish, but just not on purpose.

    As for another 5 years...I don't know - I've stood nearly 3 though...oh god.
    Alex


    Piercings: Ears x 7 various, Tongue, Septum, Navel, Inverse Navel, VCH, Microdermal on wrist, 2 Microdermals on upper back


    Tattoos: Dragon on back, Lily on wrist, Swallow on foot.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Foostar's Avatar
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    It's like he just doesn't know how to handle being in a serious relationship, he's 21 and I'm his first proper girlfriend so it's like he thinks he can still act the way he did when he didn't have a girlfriend to think about. He's selfish, but just not on purpose.
    That sounds a bit familiar...

    Maybe he'll grow out of it - I hope he does, for your sake. It's not nice being in a relationship where it's all give on your side and he's just taking.

    I think marriage scares my boyfriend a lot, even though he doesn't admit it. We're engaged and happy with that, I just don't think he'll be ready to move on from that stage for a long time, and as a whole I'm happy with that, but now and again I do think 'but.... wedding plans?'. I don't think he realises that weddings take planning and money, and he thinks we'll sort it all one weekend.
    Face: Labret, medusa, septum, double nostrils, bridge.
    Ears: 8 lobes, 2 auricles, conch, tragus, 2 helixes, daith.
    Body: Nipples.


    I am Katie. I like earl grey tea, marshmallows in hot chocolate, poetry and Care Bears.


    disco-lemonade@live.com
    ^ add me please




  6. #46
    Senior Member Youki-Hi's Avatar
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    I've been with my guy for a couple of months now. It's been going well, but there are some problems - always are. He's very possessive, which I absolutely can't stand. When we go out he wants to spend all his time with me, I want to talk to my friends. So he keeps saying annoying things like "it feels like this relationship is all about you" and "I feel like I'm only there for when you're bored". Which is pretty much breaking talk if it goes on too long, I can't be with someone who doesn't appreciate me. I have made a lot of sacrifices, I normally go out a lot more with my friends and do a lot more extra curricula stuff and get a lot more involved in life in general, and he doesn't tend to much at all and so I get so frustrated spending a lot of time at home with him just making out. I want to live darn it, I'm only 20, so much life left to go. He is really sweet and fun and clever though, so it kind of makes up for the possessiveness. Hopefully the possessiveness will calm down in time and we'll reach compromises naturally. The problem with that is he likes having lots of arguments at the beginning and creating arguments that he thinks will crop up later on, while I like to take a relationship as it comes, if there ends up being a massive argument then wait until it happens and deal with it then. I can't cope with arguing 6 times a week at the beginning, it just feels wrong. You've not set up the foundations properly yet.
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  7. #47
    Senior Member Intra_venus's Avatar
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    Ive been with my boyf 3 years, and we've just got out own place together after living at my mums for a year.

    Its weird, cos in our relationship, he's the one who's really after marriage and kida, and Im al little more more reluctant, although Im coming round to the idea now...

  8. #48
    Senior Member FakeFlower's Avatar
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    ive been with the bf for nearly 4 years, and weve live together for the past 9 months.

    And he makes me happy.
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  9. #49
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    i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 2 days

    we met at school, so the first few months of uni was near impossible, we were so used to being within five minutes of each other that me living in Portsmouth and him living in Bath was a shock to the system. doesn't help that he's amazing and has girls chasing him all the time.

    i can only say that patience is a virtue, as well as being able to keep your temper under control
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  10. #50
    Senior Member insideout's Avatar
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    I've been with my boyfriend just over a year...I can't believe how different it is to my two other 'serious' boyfriends. We haven't ever had a big argument, which used to be a weekly thing with the other guys, haha. It's always really good Plus, it's been long-distance since September which is something I never though I'd do, but I'm so glad I have. I can see us still together in a few years, at least, but planning ahead scares me so we don't really talk about the future, which is fine by me, haha. My mom, however, is entertaining plans of me and Jake getting married and living happily ever after :P Heh.

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