Thread: General Relationship Thread

  1. #13471
    Senior Member SleeeepyHollow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan-2007
    Location
    Lincolnshire.
    Posts
    8,413

    Default

    Okay, I need a bit of advice, but please no one quote it as I probably want to delete it later!

    Background: Jos and I have been together 3 1/2 years, and are pretty happy. We have been living together over a year in my parents house, then a few months in our own place.

    Just recently (the past few months) we've had a few arguments over silly stuff (which is fine), I'll admit its not all been sunshine and roses, we've had loads of problems with our landlord and have quite alot of problems with her Mum too. So its not generally easy and stress free. But the past few times she has.. I dunno grabbed me? During an argument, she has left some pretty bad bruises on my arms where shes grabbed me or pushed me when she's angry. She is always remorseful afterwards and says she doesn't want to be like this. I don't really know what to do, she doesn't scare me at all, I'm not in fear that she's going to do anything worse tbh, and I know she is sorry. Is there anything she can do to help herself?


    Now
    : 11mm lobes. 6mm septum.
    helix. tongue. rook. 5mm conch punches L & R.
    central labret. industrial. double nostrils.
    philtrum. tattoos.

    Retired: snakebites. nostril x 2. 2nd & 3rd lobes.
    helix. outer conch. nipple.

    Next: tattoos.

    Tumblr. Facebook.




  2. #13472
    Junior Member Grant_J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug-2013
    Location
    South Wales Valleys
    Posts
    27

    Default

    May sound cliche but anger management course or have a discussion about where it stems from. Not one to interfere in someone else's life but has something happened to her that makes her feel that way (stress/work/family problems etc). Perhaps she is scared that your going to leave her and its her way of trying not to let you go?

    I had an abusive relationship a few years back where we drifted apart but she became violent because she simply didn't want me to go and be left on her own, everyone deals with anger/emotions in different ways.
    Current piercings-
    both lobes 1.6. Left Tragus 1.2. Side lower lip 1.2. Tongue 1.6
    Retired-
    nipple, eyebrow, helix

    Lots of ink... More coming soon

  3. #13473
    Awesome Admin Boo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb-2010
    Location
    Bolton, Lancs
    Posts
    33,030

    Default

    Anger management is ok if you have the money for it, me and my ex husband looked into it via the NHS's recommendation. They referred us to a place in Manchester who could do it discounted for him but even then it was a LOT of money, money we couldn't afford.

    I'd say her first port of call needs to be her GP to see if there's any kind of support out there for her that they can refer her to or that she can self refer to.

    Also please look after yourself, I'm not painting your partner in a bad light but these things can quickly escalate, it needs to be nipped in the bud if possible. Msg me anywhere if you want to chat x
    Piercings: 6 lobes, 2 12mm stretched lobes, 4 helices, 3 tragus, daith, 2 nostril, 2.4mm VCH, 2.4mm daith
    Modifications: 5mm septum punch,
    coinslot ear cartilage removal, 5mm conch punch
    Cosmetic Modifications: Scar removal x7, semi permanent eyebrows, semi permanent eyeliner, semi permanent lipstick, lip dermal filler, botox
    Retired Piercings: 3 nipple, tongue, 4 philtrum, 4 eyebrow, 2 outer labia, VCH, 1 lobe, rook, nostril, 3 nape MDs, 2 wrist MDs, septum, 3 upper conch, conch, 5 helices
    Tattoos: 95 hours
    ***** HOW TO UP YOUR POST COUNT & RULES - ASK A QUESTION - BUMP INFORMATION - STRETCHING INFO & QUESTIONS*****
    >>>>>>>>>>New Members - Please do not PM me with questions about your piercing, this is what the forum is for, thank you<<<<<<<<<<



  4. #13474
    Senior Member wallflower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan-2007
    Location
    Edinburgh <3
    Posts
    11,772

    Default

    I highly agree that it needs to be nipped in the bud. I've been in more than my fair share of violent relationships and they all started out with little "nuisances" here and there. Each time it happened, it was a step up from the time before.

    Because she's done this, it doesn't mean you're in a violent relationship, just that Jos is currently having issues dealing with her anger and if it isn't pinpointed why and sorted out, it could lead to that. This might be helpful? http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-...ing-anger.aspx

    I've only been in one relationship where it's been like you described and I was strong enough to sit the person down and tell them I wasn't going to put it up with it but I'm there with them to help them get whatever help they need.
    32mm lobe (down from 50mm) : 10mm lobe : 8mm conch punch : 1.2mm Philtrum (down from 2mm) : 12mm oval labret (down from 18mm) : tongue split : scarification x2 : lots of ink :


  5. #13475
    Senior Member SleeeepyHollow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan-2007
    Location
    Lincolnshire.
    Posts
    8,413

    Default

    Thankyou for the replies. Sorry its taken me a couple of days. Anger management had obviously crossed my mind, it didn't even occur to me that you would have to pay for it! Me being naive. Its something that she knows is very much a problem. I am aware that t could quite easily escalate into something worse.. because I guess serious problems start somewhere. I don't really know what to do about it at the minute. I have nearly left her over this because I have never wanted to be in the situation where I am letting someone hurt me. /ramble ramble!


    Now
    : 11mm lobes. 6mm septum.
    helix. tongue. rook. 5mm conch punches L & R.
    central labret. industrial. double nostrils.
    philtrum. tattoos.

    Retired: snakebites. nostril x 2. 2nd & 3rd lobes.
    helix. outer conch. nipple.

    Next: tattoos.

    Tumblr. Facebook.




  6. #13476
    Awesome Admin Boo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb-2010
    Location
    Bolton, Lancs
    Posts
    33,030

    Default

    For us we had to pay for it but my ex also went through rehab and anger management was part of it and that was part of a funded group who deal with all kinds of addictions/dependencies. It could well be that there are provisions with an organisation or the NHS that she can be referred to in your area for anger management alone, it just depends on each area really. I am going back 3 years as well so things may have even changed here in the meantime but first port of call is the GP imo.
    Piercings: 6 lobes, 2 12mm stretched lobes, 4 helices, 3 tragus, daith, 2 nostril, 2.4mm VCH, 2.4mm daith
    Modifications: 5mm septum punch,
    coinslot ear cartilage removal, 5mm conch punch
    Cosmetic Modifications: Scar removal x7, semi permanent eyebrows, semi permanent eyeliner, semi permanent lipstick, lip dermal filler, botox
    Retired Piercings: 3 nipple, tongue, 4 philtrum, 4 eyebrow, 2 outer labia, VCH, 1 lobe, rook, nostril, 3 nape MDs, 2 wrist MDs, septum, 3 upper conch, conch, 5 helices
    Tattoos: 95 hours
    ***** HOW TO UP YOUR POST COUNT & RULES - ASK A QUESTION - BUMP INFORMATION - STRETCHING INFO & QUESTIONS*****
    >>>>>>>>>>New Members - Please do not PM me with questions about your piercing, this is what the forum is for, thank you<<<<<<<<<<



  7. #13477
    Magnificent Moderator Kaitey (:'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb-2009
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    10,675

    Default

    I agree with Hazel, but it could well be worth looking into local charities too, relationship counselling services or anger management ones would probably be best suited but 'generic' counselling ones might be worth a look as well
    I'm Katie, one of the mods on here.
    Please read the forum rules!

  8. #13478
    Senior Member Emzyminx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul-2008
    Location
    immingham, north lincolnshire
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    Ugh. I'm just gonna Chuck this in here coz I can't sleep and I guess it's relevant so hopefully writing it down will stop me thinking about it!

    So we split up just under 2 weeks ago. In the first few days we didn't talk, just gave each other some space. About 5 days after the split, we saw each other in the pub, and just kinda smiled at each other from a distance for a few hours until I bit the bullet and went over and said hi. He apologized for not coming over to talk he just didn't know how I would feel about it, which I respected. We saw each other a few times in the pub since then, and were totally civil. We also started texting almost every day again, even just if it was about menial things about his day at work.

    A couple of days ago I went round to his and spent the afternoon there, we talked, like, a lot. Had a good laugh, had..*ahem* and then spent another good hour or so just laid in each other's arms in bed talking.

    Last night we were texting and the conversation got on to missing cuddles.a few messages went back and forth, and I ended up going round there at about 10pm. I spent the night, nothing happened but we just laid there, in each other's arms, literally ALL night. Like, when we were together,we'd cuddle for a bit but then turn over so our backs were to each other to get comfy to sleep. But last night it was like..I dunno, like we were conscious of each other and the meaning or something,coz we didn't seperate or turn over once in the night. Even when he had dozed off and I read my kindle for a bit, he had his head on my shoulder/chest and was holding my hand. Then he spooned me, all night.

    It was...amazing.

    We haven't really spoke about what's happening, but I can imagine if this is gonna keep happening then we will, he isn't one to lead people on. We have agreed to just keep it between us for now as we both drink in the same pub and have a lot of the same friends, and don't want to be bombarded with questions until we know ourselves what is happening.

    I just think he is realising that what we had was good, and taking things slow we can build up to it again.

    He has also said he still wants me to be his plus 1 to his best friends wedding in October.


    Phew. Doubt any one will read, just needed to get it out to stop thinking about it I guess!
    Emzii

    current:
    lobes x 2 each (1 x 4mm)
    tongue
    Navel
    Outer Conch
    Septum

    retired:
    scaffold
    8mm lobe
    sternum md
    left labret
    navel
    stomach surface x2
    Nostril x2
    right labret

    tattoos:
    several! ask me..



  9. #13479
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep-2009
    Posts
    7,704

    Default

    Why is this so hard? I know what i need to do but i just cant do it.




    Have i gone mad? Im afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But i'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

  10. #13480
    Senior Member CenturyChild's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov-2010
    Location
    Portsmouth
    Posts
    2,944

    Default

    I go back to Portsmouth tomorrow, we have discussed about how we will make long distance work, I spent today and yesterday with him and I couldn't be happier right now, but I am going to miss him. So much.
    "Fortuna Favet Fortibus"
    Grace
    L: Conch|Rook|Lobes x2|Helix Orbital|Helix

    ​R: Industrial|Lobes x2|Tragus|Conch Orbital

    Central Labret​|Right Nipple|HCH x2

    2 tattoos & 1 subdermal implant.

    Next: 3rd HCH.



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •