Kids v No Kids

I'm back here again after a weekend of being made to feel like a total freak! My friend was up from Edinburgh and she arranged to meet an old school friend of ours yesterday. We went to meet her for coffee and she had her 1 yr old with her. I've avoided seeing her since before the birth (I don't feel comfortable around babies) and so yesterday was the time time I met bethany. Amanda said "look, I had a baby!" to which I said "that's nice" and got sulked with for the rest of the day.

Because I wouldn't hold / speak to or otherwise interact with the baby, both of them talked about me as if I wasn't there, saying I was being mean and antisocial. And also my bf went to see his sister and her baby at his parents and I wasn't invited because I "hate the baby anyway"

I am so tired of being treated like a leiper just because I don't have a maternal instinct. I also hate when people look at me like I'm a heartless bitch because I say that I'm happy just being loved by my boyfriend without feeling the need to create another human who'll love me. I have love already, kthanks

Dunno if it helps at all Emma, but I'm the same with kids and babies. I have no interest in them, I wish them no harm but I don't want anything to do with that. It kinda annoys me when people so oh you'll change your mind one day. Well I guess I might but I'm pretty sure I know my own mind thanks

Thats horrible to be made to feel that way. I used to be the same, very uncomfortable around babies and young kids. I just never knew what to do/say, I'm not great now lol! I do have a son now and he's 6 so obviously had to get my head round the whole thing of feeling awkward but it did happen easily. But other peoples kids no...even relations I'm not too great.

One thing I really can't stand now is being made to feel like a piece of crap because I don't want to have any more....I mean what if i actually couldn't or something? I've even been told I'm cruel for not having more (you can imagine my reaction to that!). I've had kids around me since I got with hubby when I was 19, I've got twin step daughters who are nearly 19 and one lives with me now, I want a break not more! Dumb people. And those who can't accept that a woman doesn't want to have kids piss me off as well.

My mate not long since had a kid and she brought her round, I've not seen her for a while, I looked and said aww cute sat back down and never really looked at the baby again and just spoke to my mate about non baby things, she actually said it was nice! I had no urge to pick her up or fuss or talk about her....

I want like four kids, I already have names and everything! I am really awkward around babies and children but I still want loads. In the end they will be my children so I won't be worrying so much! As for the prolife prochoice thing. I am odd, I firmly believe that I would never have an abortion no matter the circumstances as I think it is wrong. But any one else I am pro choice, if others want to do it then fine thats their decision i won't hate people for it. If one of my friends got pregnant and wanted an abortion they know they could come to me and I would call up for them and everything because in the end it's their lives and I want them to be happy. I don't think a person is horrible for having an abortion at all but i completely believe that it is horrible for me to have an abortion, if that makes sense!!

Makes perfect sense, everyone has their own opinions on wanting children and how they would cope finding themselves in that situation.
Just because you can understand others taking tha\t route does not mean you'd be happy doing it yourself and just because you wouldn't be happy doing it yourself doesn'yt mean you have to have a problem with others doing it!!

Personally if I was to find myself pregnant I know I would struggle with it but I would have to have an abortion. I am not been melodramatic here but I really think my life would be over literally if I found myself in that situation. I know I never want children but I also don't think I could cope with the thought of having something growing inside me, I know it's natural for a woman but it would freak me the hell out. I know in the past I have had those scary moments (due to changing birth control) when things haven't seemed right and I've had to pee on sticks, while waiting for those little lines to sort themselves out I've fanatazied about slitting my wrists if it was positive!!!

This is another reason I think I should be allowed to have my tubes tied! I don't just not want children for personal or selfish reasons, I really don't think I'd be able to cope with pregnancy!

This thread is fascinating!!

When I was in my 20s I was like kids, no way, not for me, I had never even held a baby and I was the most unmaternal person ever. Things changed, I got married, we decided to try for a baby, I now have 2 gorgeous kids (wouldn't want any more tho!!) and I'm still not that keen on babies (LOL) and I wouldn't describe myself as particularly maternal either. But I do my best for my kids.

here they are, cheeky monkeys, all ready for school (my youngest started last week). Sometimes they drive me nuts but I do love them loads

http://i777.photobucket.com/albums/y...7/P1010382.jpg

But it's a personal choice, you want kids, or you don't, or maybe you might one day. Good luck to those who do, it's not easy..

I recently discovered that a girl I went to school with (who isn't even 19 yet) a month after giving birth to her second child fell pregnant again. Seriously. She's not even 19 yet and her older son is 4, the other about 4 or 5 months! I couldn't do it at my age in a million years!! I don't think I could even cope with 3 kids under 5! I don't think I could even cope with 3 kids! I don't think I'd opt for more than 2, probably only one!

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Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos

I'm back here again after a weekend of being made to feel like a total freak! My friend was up from Edinburgh and she arranged to meet an old school friend of ours yesterday. We went to meet her for coffee and she had her 1 yr old with her. I've avoided seeing her since the birth (I don't feel comfortable around babies) and so yesterday was the time time I met bethany. Amanda said "look, I had a baby!" to which I said "that's nice" and got sulked with for the rest of the day.

Because I wouldn't hold / speak to or otherwise interact with the baby, both of them talked about me as if I wasn't there, saying I was being mean and antisocial. And also my bf went to see his sister and her baby at his parents and I wasn't invited because I "hate the baby anyway"

I am so tired of being treated like a leiper just because I don't have a maternal instinct. I also hate when people look at me like I'm a heartless bitch because I say that I'm happy just being loved by my boyfriend without feeling the need to create another human who'll love me. I have love already, kthanks

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I don't want to come across as bitchy or anything but I don't really blame your friend for being a bit upset with you for disregarding something that's obviously meaningful to her. If you're uncomfortable around children you don't have to interact with them but it almost sounds like you're looking down on your friend for making a decision to have kids, and honestly I think it's very selfish and mean of you to have avoided seeing her just because she's had a baby when it's probably the time she needs her friends around her the most.
The fact is lots of people have babies and sometimes you'll have to be around them. I'm not keen on them myself but I don't shun the baby or the mother and sometimes putting in a little bit of effort can go a long way.

It is crap that people don't respect your decision but you don't have to return the feeling mutually, be the bigger person.

TBF, it's not that I've avoided her because of the baby. I've avoided her because we never really got on at school, she's an attention seeker who's claimed to have had an abortion at the age of 14, has attempted suicide several times and has been done for fraud in the past few years. She also claimed to be anorexic and spent time in rehab. All of these claims have turned out to have been a load of crap (I know this because I know her cousin who lived with her for a while)

I'm not saying I'm a higher moral being because I'm childless and she isn't, but I don't think someone that mentally unstable is capable of looking after herself, let alone another life form. She got pregnant after a month of seeing the guy, who was an immature pr*ck IMHO, they got angaged about a week later, he dumped her about a week before the baby was born. It's not just the baby choice I don't agree with, it's pretty much every life decision she has ever made. Oh and she smoked all through her pregnancy.

She's not changed much since a few years ago from what I saw that day we met. Except now she no longer speaks to her family and she lives in a council flat in a really dodgy area. She's only ever had about 1 job and she now has a criminal record for fradulently signing timesheets. So now she lives off the state and I, the taxpayer, am left paying for her and her child.

So as you can see, I didn't really avoid her because of the baby, I was avoiding her before because I don't need to be around people like that. Lol

Personally if I knew someone like that she wouldn't be a friend and I'd have nothing to do with her whatsoever. But I think you said she was meeting up with a mutual friend so that kinds makes it hard. You don't have to be friends with her though, just explain you don't like her and leave it at that. No point forcing it. Again though no one should ever be made to feel like crap for not wanting to interact with someone elses child. I don't expect anyone to interact with my son and wouldn't ever openly slag them off for it either!