Kids v No Kids

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03-25-2010, 01:23 PM
katielou

Quote:

Originally Posted by SakuraChan

And yes, I know you can have it reversed, it's got a 97% success rate, but it's still a highly invasive procedure to put a teenager/young twenty something through just because she wants it at the point in time, without a proper evaluation first. I agree that your doctor went about suggesting it all wrong though.

I agree, he totally went about it in the wrong way.
I understand it's still highly invasive but I seriously think that I had probably conducted more recent research on the subject than he had.
He basically wouldn't even listen to why it was something I was considering having done, he simply snapped at me that I was been "ridiculous" and then started mubbling about it taking months to get me a consultation with a shrink who would probably say I wasn't suitable anyway!
He even asked if I had argued with my partner recently, he seemed to be of the opinion I would change my mind and it was all because of some little disagreement with my boyfriend!

Perhaps I should have asked to see a younger, female doctor and I would have had a more sympathetic opinion.
03-25-2010, 04:16 PM
Masinor

I had my son at 19 after a year of trying to conceive.

Best thing i ever did, i cant imagine being an older mum. I think i would find it really hard.

But its a very personal decision and everyone should do whats best for them.
03-26-2010, 01:03 AM
katielou

I totally understand other people wanting children, I just don't want them myself.
If everyone felt the same as me not only would the human race die out but I'd be out of a job too!!!!

It's one of those each to there own situations.
Some people seem born to be parents, others don't!

I would never try and convert someone who wants children to the childless frame of mind so I don't get why people with children or that want children sometimes try to convince me to have them.
03-26-2010, 10:42 AM
Masinor

Quote:

Originally Posted by katielou

I totally understand other people wanting children, I just don't want them myself.
If everyone felt the same as me not only would the human race die out but I'd be out of a job too!!!!

It's one of those each to there own situations.
Some people seem born to be parents, others don't!

I would never try and convert someone who wants children to the childless frame of mind so I don't get why people with children or that want children sometimes try to convince me to have them.

Totally agree with you.

For one thing if you really dont want children and dont have any maternal feelings at all, i doubt you are going to be the best parent around. Its not fair for children to be born into a family that didnt really want them.Its asking for trouble!

On the subject of having the procedure done, it is generally accepted in the medical world that they dont do it on younger women without a very good reason. I can see why you would want it but is it not easier to just be careful when having sex?

I can laso see why someone who has strong maternal feelings cannot understand how a woman can feel she doesn't want children, i am not saying this is right but it isnt always easy to understand someone elses point of view.
03-26-2010, 12:27 PM
Slania

Got a family gathering tomorrow and as far as I know, my aunt and uncle are bringing their little boy along, think he's around 2 or 3 by now, should be interesting to interact with him and see if I like/can tolerate him more than non-relatives' children :s. Sometimes I think occasional things kids do or say are cute, but most of the time I can't stand them and don't see why people are awwwing over them at all.
03-26-2010, 01:45 PM
Intra_venus

I am so broody its crazy.. I had a little bit of a pregnancy scare the other day, and whilst I wouldnt actually have a baby at the moment (due to financial and housing reasons) it was just such a nice thought that I might have had a little person inside me.

I can accept that some people don't want kids, cos I really didnt used to. I thought I'd miss the freedom and get bored of it. But then i met my boyfriend and for some reason this weird desire to make a little person made of both of us started really appealing to me. It feels like by starting a family is a way of making our love last forever through a family tree. Its hard to explain but it's such a strong desire. Im gonna give it about 5 years though until I start trying to get pregnant.

I have thought about maybe getting some kinda fertility test though, cos if there were any problems with me or the boyf, that way we'd have 5 years to sort it out, get medical treatment or come around to accepting that we'd need IVF or a surrogate or whatever..

Hehe, its silly, but when I thought I was pregnant, my boyf told his mum "yeah, we got the test, just gonna make sure we're not pregnant!" So cute how he said 'we'!
03-26-2010, 03:36 PM
katielou

Quote:

Originally Posted by Masinor

Totally agree with you.

For one thing if you really dont want children and dont have any maternal feelings at all, i doubt you are going to be the best parent around. Its not fair for children to be born into a family that didnt really want them.Its asking for trouble!

On the subject of having the procedure done, it is generally accepted in the medical world that they dont do it on younger women without a very good reason. I can see why you would want it but is it not easier to just be careful when having sex?

I can laso see why someone who has strong maternal feelings cannot understand how a woman can feel she doesn't want children, i am not saying this is right but it isnt always easy to understand someone elses point of view.

That's it exactly!
I know I'd be a totally c**p mother because I'd resent the child for preventing me from continuing to live my life the way I like it!
If I want to go out till 4am drinking I can, if I decide not to go home and crash with a friend I can, if I decide to move half way around the world on a whim I can, all of this would have to stop if I became a mother.
My poor child would be so neglected!

I know there are other options, I have tried many of them but why go for pumping your body full of chemicals to prevent something you never want to happen when there's a chemical free semi-permanent way to do it?
04-05-2010, 07:35 PM
calluna

I never wanted kids, but when I was told me and my husband couldn't have, then I felt gutted. Funny how when the choice is taken away I suddenly wanted it. Or maybe it was the choice I wanted...
Anyway, my husband got the snip and it was cool coz I got to watch ;) I'm only 25 and the doctors tried to talk us out but we persevered. If you really want an op to sort things out then you should hound them and speak to as many doctors as you can. Like everything in life the more informed you are the better, and a doctor will take you more seriously.

I do love kids and I have the best nephew in the world, but I love giving him back as well. Some people are made to be parents, others aren't. We should celebrate the difference.
04-05-2010, 07:52 PM
DreadfulFaeryFalls

[QUOTEPerhaps I should have asked to see a younger, female doctor and I would have had a more sympathetic opinion. ][/QUOTE]

Pffft not likely - they tend to be even worse. They do the whole patronsing "ooh but you want them really" thing that makes me want to strnagle them with their stethoscopes
04-06-2010, 05:05 AM
swimmingthroughrain

Quote:

Originally Posted by SakuraChan

I honestly don't think it's that unreasonable to put a young person who wants the sort of procedure in for an evaluation first. It's all well and good knowing what you want, but it would be almost negligent of a doctor just to do something like that to a young woman without making sure she was of sound mind and 110% sure that it was what she wanted, and understood any complications that could happen afterwards.

This is complete crap. We are no less of sound mind than older women and men who want it done. We are being discriminated against based on our age and that's not okay. I do not want kids, ever. That's something I've always known about myself, and was able to articulate when I was 19. Seven years later, I feel exactly the same way and am even stronger in my conviction not to have my life ruined in that way (yes, it would ruin my life).

Women are discriminated against much more than men in this sense. Men younger than me have been able to obtain vasectomies without problems. It's not only age discrimination but sexist too, and it is completely unacceptable.