Kids v No Kids

how strict is adoption? id prefer to take an unwanted child and bring it up in a loving environment if i could rather than have my own.

As far as I know it quite strict. There was a couple in news a year or two back who weren't allowed to adopt due to them being a couple of stone overweight.. nevermind that they had a lovely home, great jobs and were financially stable enough to give the child a good future.

I've had to see 12 years of my twin step daughters mum slowly destroying their lives and attempting to destroy their relationship with their dad. She is still doing it now, telling them he's not given a sh*t about them for the past 19 years and never will. This is despite them both at some point living with us only to be forced back to their mums when she was pregnant on the understanding that if she didn't go back she'd never see her baby sister when she was born. The other daughter now lives with us permanently as she just can't live with her mum.

The other lives with her mum and is now basically her little sisters full time carer getting paid pennies an hour doing it, she can't have a life and she's been told she's not allowed to go to college or get a job. She takes her sister to school, picks her up, makes her dinner, plays with her and even when her mum gets home from work she usually looks after her because her mum can't be bothered.

It really upsets her and makes her ill and so tired but she just can't stand up to her manipulative mother, I can't understand why her mum had yet another child only to pass it off onto her daughter and make her look after it. Its so upsetting as no matter what advice I give that step daughter she just says she can't tell her mum to let her have a life, it makes me cry sometimes that she has been battered down so much she can't stand up to her at nearly 19 years of age. I'm just glad her sister who lives with us 'escaped' and is now very happy and is a full time trainee teaching assistant, her twin however is just letting her life slip away.

As for kids misbehaving I agree when they blatantly run riot and the parents don't bat an eyelid its totally out of order. Yet sometimes its very hard to control my nephews behaviour as he has aspergers, on some occasions when he is flapping about and shouting its actually better to ignore than try and calm him down as interfering usually leads to him having a full blown tantrum. If he is misbehaving or it gets a bit out of hand though my sister usually just removes him from the room/building and uses whatever methods are best at the time, people will always stare though so its a bit frustrating when you want to turn round and explain you're not just letting him get away with it lol.

As for adoption very strict, my sister and her hubby were going to adopt, they both have impeccable histories and upbringing, already proven to be excellent parents and had dedicated room in a house they bought with adoption in mind. Then out of the blue 'someone' accused my brother-in-law of something (i'm not saying what) that was found to be totally false. Even though he was proven to be totally innocent and they agreed it was probably someone trying to sabotage him they said the rumour was enough and they will never ever be able to adopt ever because of the accusation. Go figure that one out because I can't!

I understand that the rules on adoption have to be strict because the people in charge of making the desicions cannot be seen to put a child into an unsuitable household.
However I think that sometimes they rule people out for the most stupid reasons!

im not overweight, but my OH is. We will both be working, nice estate for our house, near a good school with a garden for the house too.

Agreed, I think they should be super strict on many levels however I cannot understand that someone can be falsely accused of something, proven 100% innocent and that means they can't ever adopt for the rest of their life. It makes no sense to me whatsoever, the accuser contacted the adoption people directly, this wasn't some supposed misdemeanour from his past or anything, it really shocked and saddened me. Just goes to show that anyone can easily wreck someones chance of adoption if they so wished to, at least in this town anyway.

I think it's disgusting that your brother-in-law was proven innocent and it's still blocked them from adopting!
This is proof that sometimes silly rules stop good people having the chance of raising children but neglegent parents are fine if they manage to reproduce!

I know :( it really was utterly mind boggling how that can happen, the whole thing was so sad as the accusation was pretty disgusting and my sister had to genuinely ask family members if it was us that said it, she knew it wouldn't have been us but she had to ask. This was a few years ago and she's now pregnant with baby number 3 and they're both totally amazing parents, just a shame as you say some people (like my hubbys ex) keep popping kids out without a care in the world and don't even bother to look after them.

I wish the world was a more just place and those that would make good parents managed to have the children they want and give tham a good life and those that make a shocking job of it couldn't create these lives they then ruin!!

Agree 100% its very frustrating isn't it!