Kids v No Kids

I always thought I wanted kids but now that most of my friends have them, I realize what a huge bullet I dodged. It seems like people just lose themselves when they have kids. It's like they're no longer themselves, they're mommies, and their lives are no longer lives anymore, but motherhood. They used to be fun, but then they started having babies. Their profile pictures change from their faces to their baby's faces and all they can talk about anymore is diapers, cribs, poop, placenta, vomit, time outs, and breastfeeding. They're like zombies with designer diaper bags. No offense to anyone who wants to be a mommy & talk about various excreta all day, but no thanks- I want nothing of it! I can do whatever I want, spend my money on whatever I want, and I don't have to worry about taking care of anyone but myself & my pets. Plus, I have Asperger's syndrome and I'm very sensitive to loud noises. I absolutely CANNOT handle the sound of babies crying nor can I stand being around kids for very long in general. Another reason why I don't want them is that this world is just SO messed up & I know I'd be a psycho helicopter parent who never lets the kid leave the house for fear they'll get hurt or violated in some way :/

To be fair, not ALL mums are like that - I know a couple of really great mums who have a life of their own too. But I do agree that there are a lot of mums that are like this - I recently deleted someone from Facebook, because EVERY post was about her baby. I understand that it must be exciting, but mothers like that drive me insane. There are just some people that never feel fulfilled unless they have kids - I think that is very sad, but it happens a lot.

BF and I are parenting nazis :/ we're always driven mad/shocked/disgusted/angry at the amount of .... basically untrained children around.

I feel kinda sorry for our future offspring already, haha




Oh and btw (harking back to recent incident in asda) if any of my kids are doing something stupid and/or dangerous in a public place and I'm not there or haven't noticed, feel free to tell them off for me. I will apologise to you and tell my child off again.

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Originally Posted by phendraana

I always thought I wanted kids but now that most of my friends have them, I realize what a huge bullet I dodged. It seems like people just lose themselves when they have kids. It's like they're no longer themselves, they're mommies, and their lives are no longer lives anymore, but motherhood. They used to be fun, but then they started having babies. Their profile pictures change from their faces to their baby's faces and all they can talk about anymore is diapers, cribs, poop, placenta, vomit, time outs, and breastfeeding. They're like zombies with designer diaper bags. No offense to anyone who wants to be a mommy & talk about various excreta all day, but no thanks- I want nothing of it!

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Those people aren't like that because they became a mother, they have decided to live their life that way.

I have not and will not ever turn into a child obsessed freak just because I had one, I didn't lose myself, I'm a person as well as a parent, the main person I spoke to about my child and the various things involved with it was his father and anyone who asked. Yes some people do turn into obsessives but people can obsess over anything including children. I knew parents who became a little obsessed about their darlings and tbh they would bore me to tears and I would actively avoid them but the same as I'd actively avoid anyone who bugged me. I certainly didn't lose anything in life, I feel I didn't gain any magical powers either though, I'm just me, with a son.

I agree though if someone thinks they would be a terrible parent or struggle with it then the decision to have kids is probably for the best, my son is ASD and has noise sensory issues so I can totally understand why the sound of kids would wind you up. On that note I've also had people nearly tell my son off when he's having a meltdown because they think I can't control him, needless to say I wouldn't be rude if they tried but I would explain not all children are angels and some have disabilities, that said I wouldn't let him use a skipping rope round a supermarket, that's just idiotic lol!

It's weird, cause whenever I see a kid having a meltdown, I can ALWAYS tell if its ASD-related. Oddly enough, those kids don't bother me. At all. In fact, the only kids I CAN stand to be around are ASD kids & other kids with disabilities. I've always wanted to work with special kids :D

Such a thoughful question. For me, especially so. After being together for 4 years (married for 2), hubby and I decided to try for a baby. I thought we would be the coolest parents, being that we are pretty laid-back, open minded, and love doing "kid" stuff like catching fireflies, having cookouts, playing video games, etc. Long story short, baby 1 was miscarriage at 4 months. Baby 2, my lovely son who is now 16, was born with a brain mass and is multiply handicapped and mentally retarded. He is 16 chronologically, but functionally he is maybe 3 years old. NO fun kid stuff, NO catching fireflies, NO video games, just special schools, lots of hospitals and therapists.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my son like crazy. His smile could light up a room. But his disabilities break my heart. The world is too mean for handicapped children. And yes, I do feel gypped in the sense that the cool fun I expected from having a kid will never happen. No football games, no proms, no graduations, and you get the idea. So for me (and hubby), parenthood is a double edged sword.

Thanks for letting me share, 'yall

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Originally Posted by stacyb139

Such a thoughful question. For me, especially so. After being together for 4 years (married for 2), hubby and I decided to try for a baby. I thought we would be the coolest parents, being that we are pretty laid-back, open minded, and love doing "kid" stuff like catching fireflies, having cookouts, playing video games, etc. Long story short, baby 1 was miscarriage at 4 months. Baby 2, my lovely son who is now 16, was born with a brain mass and is multiply handicapped and mentally retarded. He is 16 chronologically, but functionally he is maybe 3 years old. NO fun kid stuff, NO catching fireflies, NO video games, just special schools, lots of hospitals and therapists.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my son like crazy. His smile could light up a room. But his disabilities break my heart. The world is too mean for handicapped children. And yes, I do feel gypped in the sense that the cool fun I expected from having a kid will never happen. No football games, no proms, no graduations, and you get the idea. So for me (and hubby), parenthood is a double edged sword.

Thanks for letting me share, 'yall

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This is something that should be deeply explained/explored in whatever social education kids may get in school these days.

For those teens/young people who think having a cute little baby will all be rainbows and smiles along with the tough times don't often even contemplate that the child could be born disabled. My son has a disability, not on the scale of your son but it will be with him for the rest of his life, it can be and will continue to be heartbreaking at times, it also clouded my judgement on whether or not to have any other children with my now ex husband as I wanted to be able to focus on him more.

It certainly can be a double edged sword, it's also something I wish people would consider very very deeply before having a child, especially those that rush into it. It can be a case of you think it's something that only happens to other people, it can happen to anyone!

My husband and I weren't supposed to be able to have kids, and I was ok with this. Instead we said we wouldn't have kids or we'd adopt and give a less fortunate kid a really good home. I didn't want to bring a child up in the world today it's chaos and complete mayhem; not to mention there's already 7 billion+ of us already. But low and behold March of last year I found out I was pregnant . Shocked as we both were, it was a really happy time you know, going from not able to actually having a little boy. He was born with a congenital heart defect, a VSD. It was up and down for the first 2.5 months, he went into congestive heart failure at 6 weeks old and we spent a week to 9 days at Children's in DC. Then at 10 weeks old he went for open heart surgery to fix his heart. It was a week of emotional and mental strain. Seeing him hooked up to all these machines wires and tubes everywhere he was immobilized and sedated while he was in CICU, it was truly heartbreaking. But he's good now "perfect" says his cardiologist. And you know what I wouldn't change a thing having him has brought my husband and I even closer, to me everyday is like a little miracle.

When I was a teenager, I thought I would have kids one day. And even though I'm only 20 now, I realise it's because I didn't know what else to do with my life. Now I'm going to university and I have a career in mind, and all thoughts of having kids have disappeared. In fact, I've been giving it a lot of thought recently, and the idea of being a parent is becoming more and more repulsive. I really can't think of single good reason why I would have kids and I'd be a terrible parent. I lack all of the qualities a parent should have, like patience and a caring nature. Plus I'm extremely introverted, socially anxious and need calm and quiet surroundings pretty much all the time. Then the idea of pregnancy and childbirth don't particularly appeal to me, and there's already more than enough people in the world. I could go on, but the final point is that I don't even like kids anyway :tongue:

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Originally Posted by redraven

it's also something I wish people would consider very very deeply before having a child, especially those that rush into it. It can be a case of you think it's something that only happens to other people, it can happen to anyone!

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Agreed! People don't realize that if you have a child who is perfectly healthy with no disabilities, that incredibly lucky. My stepbrother is 22 and is on the mental level of a 1-year-old, so he will require constant care for the rest of his life. It's really made me think... when you have a baby you plan to raise them for 18 years and send them on their way, but what if they can never be independent? That's something I'll really have to accept before I even think about having kids.