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When I was younger I always dreamed of having a whole brood of kids but now i'd be lucky to even have one.
I have always wanted kids fairly young (have my first child by the time i'm 25) but I will need to be really finacially secure in order to be able to afford the fertility treatment that i'll probably need.
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Originally Posted by indie.star
i dont know where your from so i cant really give alot of information, but there is help out there... lower prices for fertility treatment. Also i know its a long time, but if you have been trying for ten years im sure my friend said she had her ivf free on the nhs.
You look fairly young from your avatar, without going into medical backgrounds etc dont give up. Even when they say you cant, if you have all the right bits (so to speak) then there will always be that chance. My aunt tried for 15 yrs, had 3 failed ivf's (all payed for by herself) and gave up, after 2yrs she caught on her own an had a baby girl. There is always a chance.
I have already done some research on IVF, IUI etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
I won't be able to have any of it free on the NHS as I don't have any fertility problems as such that I know of, so unless I concieve through a known donor then it's going to be a very expensive process for me!
I would be really gutted if I didn't have kids though, I know it's a bit embarassing but that's my number one goal in life. I know it's gonna be a load of hassle and i'm gonna face a lot of prejudice along the way but I think that will make me an even better parent.
i know its a bit personal... but if you dont have any fertility problems, then what is stopping you from conceiving?
If its because of sexual preference... im unsure how the nhs veiw that...
Im sorry i couldnt help much.
Yeah it's because of sexual preference and as I have no 'proper' fertility problems the NHS won't fund it.
However if I had a partner who was transgender I would be able to get it funded on the NHS as that counts as a fertility problem.
Tell me more plzQuote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
That really sucks. In the U.S. we have similar problems, such as same-sex couples not being allowed to adopt in some states, and in others, losing their kids. And, I imagine, the problem you're describing.Quote:
Originally Posted by indie.star
I'm sorry.
I really hate the world. :(
Medical backgrounds come into it like everything else, more often than not though a c-section will be refused. Unless you can give a very good excuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by bekki2308
Im waiting for my appointment with a consultant on the 15th of jan, i had an emergency c-section over my daughter who was 7lb 4oz, iv already been told the one im carrying now is above her weight, my midwife wants me to do a naturel birth (all midwifes will push this route) after knowing my own background though i want to take the spinal block an elective route... iv now got to get permision so to speak from a consultant.
If its due to the babys size then it shouldnt be a problem having a c-section if its going to cause you medical problems after the birth. But like with all major surgery a c-section comes with its own problems.
Also since the 'too posh to push brigade' there has been a major spike in how many women feel that they cant go through with naturel labour. When i had my daughter i was also labeled in the 'too posh to push' brigade..... i had a totaly vallied reason though, my daughter had gone into distress and id been in labour for 24 hrs an not dialated past 4.
I obviously know nothing of you personally but one of my friends is a lesbian and her and her partner decided they wanted a baby and so she got pregnant by a close male friend. Not sure if that would ever work as a viable option.Quote:
Originally Posted by indie.star
how would the csa stand on that though... hes the bioligical parent... has he agreed to pay? or have they come up with a way to get around that..
Cause if it was as simple as that, im sure any lesbian could sleep with a man to get a child ( i know that comes across how it shouldnt but im tryin to think of a different way to phrase it an i cant)
Isn't this what sperm donors are for? Like isn't there some big bank of sperm specially for cases like this? I don't know but that's what I always imagined was the point of sperm donation anyway :S
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Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos
im not to sure on thing like this, but theres still a cost. Im sure its near enough as expesive as ivf...
but i was thinkin along the lines of what youki was sayin, a friend to donate so to speak... how would the legal heads see this?
i was thinking along these lines too, if the person is fertile then sprem donation is a good option , as it would be somebodys sperm used in IVF anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
Well there haven't been any legal issues so I don't really know.Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
She's financially stable, he's the child's godfather and sees him a lot but he doesn't want any more responsibility and she's happy with that.
I don't know how it would go legally unfortunately.
Hmm i was just asking as i know when me an my ex split all sorts of questions were asked an i had to prove that he was paying child support.
Also theres the registering of the father on the birth certificate. An even though shes financialy stabe now, what happens down the line if it dosnt stay that way and they ave to claim help in any way, even something simple as child tax credit or wftc or even carer allowence. All these will ask for fathers details.
Sorry for all the questions.... heh
This is the deal with lesbian couples regarding having children via donor sperm:
If the lesbian couple are in a civil partnership when the child is concieved through a home insemination with a known donor then the lesbian partner is then automatically the second parent so they would be who the CSA goes to should they divorce. The biological father has no rights. If the couple are not in a civil partnership at the time of conception then then either the donor has to sign a form waivering parental rights before the birth or the other lesbian partner may adopt the child after birth but this is a long process.
If one of the lesbian couple has sex with the male donor then the donor is the other legal parent no matter whether the lesbian couple are in a civil partnership or not.
If done through an anonymous donor in a clinic then the parent who is not carrying the child will have to sign a form saying that they accept parental responsibilty for the child and are willling to be the legal second parent with their name in the birth certificate - this doesn't matter if the couple are in a civil partnership or not.
Sorry for that ramble, hope that clears everything up! :D
Yes IUI is nearly as expensive as IVF if carried out in a clinic as you have to pay for the sperm and for the insemination process. It is possible to buy sperm from the clinic and inseminate yourself at home though.Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
So wouldn't this be the easiest option? Or would you rather know who the dad is?Quote:
Originally Posted by indie.star
It is also the most expensive option hence me saying earlier that i'd have to be extremely finacially secure before I have a child which messes up all my plans of having my first child before i'm 25! Well I suppose it is possible but it is a long shot! :biggrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos
Id rather adopt thn go through all the I... things. I think of all the kids without families and go aww id rather make one of them happy...
See when I read things like this I feel really selfish for wanting to have my own child, but I really want to go through the pregnancy and experience what a natural birth feels like.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyssssa :)
I have considered adopting the first child then attempting to have a child of my own though so I would have more chance of having multiple children.
I watched a movie the other day about a lesbian couple. One of the women gave birth to a child and they brought the kid up as their own. Then the biological mother died and the child wasn't allowed to stay with her non-bio mum because they weren't biologically related. Sad.
Why should you feel selfish for wanting your own child, to some ppl its naturel to want their own offspring.
At the end of the day, adoption isnt all that easy. Its not like you go into a shop and pick your own like ppl like madonna seem to do.
You may not even be able to adopt a newborn, so you miss out on the younger years. When most ppl would love to see the child grow from young to adult.
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Originally Posted by indie.star
Sorry :(
I think of adoption cuz the whole pregnancy part scares the s.. outta me tbh
To be honest if I adopted I wouldn't mind not getting a newborn or even a baby. I think I would actually prefer to get a toddler as long as I was able to have my own baby afterwards.
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Originally Posted by cherryd69
sorry to hear you had trouble with her birth , the whole too posh to push label is a bit harsh.
I dont know what it is about childbirth that terrifies me so badly, its a bit sad but ill admit to having a recurring nightmare about almost what happened to you , but my baby dies due to the stress , i asked for c section but they refused and it goes like that . I have no idea why this happens as ive never been pregnant and have no intention of becoming pregnant in the next decade so why im so bothered now i dont know. I cant watch childbirth on TV without getting all panicky ........ im just a freak :(
thanks for the extra info.
lets see, i got pregnant while i was 15. (Gasp!) right?
totally unplanned
what tha heck was i doin havin sex at 15 with a 17 year old
he got me pregnant intentionally thinkin he could keep me
didnt work!
shes now a year and six months and im 17
soon to be 18 yayy.
i never wanted kids everrrrr.
but now shes my world and more.
i have no idea where id be now if i didnt have her,
i totally agree with that one girl about this world and i feel awful wen i think about this horrible world and how i brought her into it.
but everything happens for a reason right?.
id prolly be a dopefiend&&awhore if i never had her
Honestly, as long as you adopt a child, from infancy to age 12, you get to see the child grow up. I realize though that some people don't want a child over the age of 3.
I think adoption is a great thing and more people should consider it. The idea of being pregnant absolutely disgusts me and I don't like it, but I can understand that some women want to experience it.
My main issue is there is really an overpopulation problem. If you have your "own" (aka biological) child you are contributing to it.
See, I'm weird about kids.
I know I definitely want them, and while I have the ability, I definitely want them to be of my own flesh and blood.
But if I was somehow unable to have kids of my own, I'd be disappointed, no doubt, but in a way relieved I wouldn't have to go through the process of carrying a kid around for 9 months and going through scary child birth.
Probably sounds really awful, but I have a phobia of being pregnant. >:|
I'm sure I'd feel differently once it actually happened, but this is how I feel as of now.
Maybe this sounds awful, but I sort of think that people who adopt truly want to watch another human being grow and learn and become a fully developed and successful adult. Not that people who have bio kids don't want this, but people who reproduce have the motive of wanting to pass on their DNA, which can't be said of people who adopt.
*shrugs* As someone who doesn't want kids at all, maybe some people think I have no right to an opinion, but whatever.
Don't blame you for your phobia. Nausea, vomiting, swelling of the hands and feet, high blood pressure, dizziness, bleeding of gums, weight gain, constipation--and that's just off the top of my head.
edited to say there is always the controversial idea of having a surrogate carry your biological child for you...
When your in labour your monitored, so is the babys heartbeat... any signs of you or the baby going into distress or any other problems and a full medical team is brought in to investigate.Quote:
Originally Posted by bekki2308
Im not too clear on what happened during my labour, i was on gas an air, plus pethadine an id also ended up having an epidural which failed (all the way through id said i didnt want this, but it was taken out of my hands)
Like i said, after 24hrs (more if you count the first signs of labour) i was tired and not even half way dialated, iv got past history of narrow birth canal and also a titled ueterus. This wasnt taken into consideration which resulted in me having a aweful labour and an emergency c-section. Apart from me an my ex there was 12 other people in the room when things went tits up.
Im hoping this time to avoid all of the panic and stress, id love to deliver naturely, but sadly i dont think that will be the case.
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Originally Posted by swimmingthroughrain
No matter what route you take to becoming a parent you want this for your child anyway... how does someone who adopts a child want this more?
I dont understand your reasoning on this... yes there are parents out there who just want a child for the benifits that they seem to think they will be entitled to... but all in all 90% of ppl who plan to have children as part of their future want to see that child grow up to be the best they can be.
As iv said before in another topic, dont be beliving everything you read on the net ;).... half of them you have listed dont happen unless you have pre-eclampsia, not everyone who gets pregnant suffers from morning sickness or dizzyness. And constipation can be avoided by eatin a normal healthy diet.Quote:
Don't blame you for your phobia. Nausea, vomiting, swelling of the hands and feet, high blood pressure, dizziness, bleeding of gums, weight gain, constipation--and that's just off the top of my head.
The good sides to bein pregnant, feeling babys first kick, watching your child for the first time in the scan, hearing babys first heartbeat, buying all the baby things an cooing over what you have brought. Having a healthy diet impacts on your general look... the baby glow dosnt come from hormones, it comes from having a good diet.
We can all list negative things, but at the end of the day no two pregnancies are the same, same as no two births are the same.
No offence, but i think its storys like that that scare me, i dont cope with stress well myself at all, i get sickness and diarrhoea whenever im slightly stressed and my heart rate goes through the roof and panic attacks and i hate things not going to plan and the list goes on............. . Id rather have a nice calm arranged c section for my own health and that of my unborn child. Family history of huge babies my mum and one of her sisters were about 13lbs and it goes like that and my total inability to cope with stress. do i make any sense?Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryd69
*note to self: stop getting stressed over things that shouldnt happen for another decade*
Sad to hear that you probs cant have your baby the way you want :(
Cherry, I'm glad your pregnancy is going well and I hope you have an uncomplicated delivery.
I'm sure there are good things about pregnancy, but it does cause many symptoms, something that really can't be denied. Some women are lucky enough to suffer no nausea and avoid other symptoms, but most of the time this isn't the case. And labor, no matter how you look at it, is an enormous strain on the body and is very uncomfortable, with uterine contractions that cause incredible pain. Obviously I haven't experienced it, but I've watched shows of women giving birth and I've read about pregnancy and childbirth. It's obvious that the women are in a lot of pain, and for this reason request drugs to feel better.
In some ways I do think it's a beautiful thing, just not something I want to experience. Just like having kids. It's great for some, it's just not what I want.
How can you comment on pregnancy and labour when you've only seen it on the telly?? It's not just the physical symptoms, its the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it!
My 2 pregnancies were totally different. With my first I was sick for the whole pregnancy, only drank 6 pints of milk a day, he was delivered a week early with epidural help! During my second pregnancy I was really well until 7 months when I developed colistasis (symptom is extreme itching) when I had to be monitored twice daily as there is a risk of still birth. I was induced 3 weeks early to minimise the still birth risk. being induced is considerably more painful, had another epidural and antibiotic drip to prevent the baby from contracting Strep B (an infection which can cause meningitus in new borns). Boys aged 2 and 5 now and healthy (eldest has autism).
Until you've been through it I don't think you can comment on it!!
Incidently I never wanted kids, my husband was the broody one, until it hit me like a brick when i was told my contraception was being discontinued and I knew it was now or never. can't imagine life without them now!
I think anyone can comment on whatever they like! Are you saying that until you have had a baby you have no right to comment on whether you want to go through it or not??Quote:
Originally Posted by Ljay
I think far too many people have babies because they like the idea of being pregnant and getting attention from everyone cooing over them, or they think having a baby will make their life complete etc etc. I think it's good that people are aware that it's not all sweetness and light, it's a lot of potential pain, distress and early mornings and sleepless nights until it grows into an adult...and then for the rest of your life as a parent.
I don't think anyone should be told they can not comment on something like this, just because you're been through it and she hasn't doesn't mean you have the right to say that
Ok, yep there is pain in labour. No denying it. But it's a totally different kind of pain to anything else. If it were that bad I doubt anyone would ever have a second (or third or fourth etc) child.
My 2 experiences were vastly different from each other. Had the whole fairly common lengthy labour the first time. In hospital, unsupportive midwife, ended up with epidural that only numbed my legs and left me unable to walk but experiencing every contraction with no relief and made me vomit a lot. Baby and me didn't cope too well and ended up in theatre ready to do c-section. Luckily the team tried the forceps one last time and out she came. But 6 years later I'm at the moment having to have physio weekly for the consequences of the forceps delivery and episiotomy :(
In contrast the second was born at home on a bit of gas and air towards the end and it was an amazing experience that straight after I remember saying I wanted to do all over again!
Get stuffed! If she can give advice based on what shes seen on the telly, I can give my opinion to a troll! And you, Button it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos
How bloody rude! I hope your kids don't grow up to be as closed minded and arrogant as their mother