Kids v No Kids

I never thought I wanted kids, but recently I've been in a lot of situations involving family kids and realised that I really think I do... Just not right now! Right now I don't believe I'm financially stable enough. Ironically I did feel that if I did want kids I'd love to look into adoption or fostering, as surely there's enough children in the world wanting somebody to love without merely increasing the population?! But my partner has actually stated to me that he doesn't feel he could ever bring up a child that wasn't his own. So that's a work in progress.
In this vein I just tried to ask my mother for some advice as I'm not getting on with the pill (and I really like to have more of a back-up plan than a bit of plastic...) and she literally told me that I should abstain until I'm ready for children. Not sure of the polite response to that one!!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by RedFae

...she literally told me that I should abstain until I'm ready for children. Not sure of the polite response to that one!!!

---

Wow! I would simply ask her if she's only ever had sex once then (or however many siblings you have plus 1).

It amazes me that there are still people out there who think sex is purely for procreation and nothing else!

I think I may have sputtered something along the lines of but what if I never want children!!!!

Weirdly enough I think she was just on one, as she's been ranting that my vegetarianism is killing me as well. Just not to me. Hopefully it'll pass...

I didn't think it was possible but I now want kids even less than I did before. This is what working with them has done ha

Heh, working with kids has made me want them even more, but it's also made me really, really aware how important it is to bring them up right; lax discipline, inconsistency etc can really really affect and hinder kids. It's made me realise I want to have a really good structured idea of how I plan on raising them before I even conceive. (I'd just like to note I'm perfectly aware things don't always stick to a plan, but I feel this is somewhere you really have to have an idea of your discipline/routines etc sorted beforehand)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kaitey (:

Heh, working with kids has made me want them even more, but it's also made me really, really aware how important it is to bring them up right; lax discipline, inconsistency etc can really really affect and hinder kids. It's made me realise I want to have a really good structured idea of how I plan on raising them before I even conceive. (I'd just like to note I'm perfectly aware things don't always stick to a plan, but I feel this is somewhere you really have to have an idea of your discipline/routines etc sorted beforehand)

---

I never even thought of any of that preconception or in early pregnancy....I think just trust your instinct and have excellent morals and you'll be pretty much fine. I tried going down this route with my son when he was a baby, worst thing I ever did, it stressed me out and upset me greatly because when I plan like that I pressurise myself. I ditched the method and he's fine, obviously I have to tailor what I do because he's ASD but I don't think having a structured plan is always a good idea for everyone. And as you say you have to tailor the plans to the child as well, for example my mum rarely grounded me as I didn't go out much so it wasn't really much of a punishment yet it was the end of the world to my sister lol! :D

Yeah, I get that, what I really mean is decide to an extent what you'll discipline for - swearing etc. I see a load of kids at work who have NO boundaries or structure and they are always the ones who act out, misbehave, have authority issues etc. Just makes me so determined to do it right and not let my kids walk over me. I also see a lot of parents who don't follow through on discipline or who have HUGE differences between theirs and their partners ideas of discipline.
Just makes me realise how often people have kids with no ideas about how they're going to raise them, or about the damage they're causing by being an utter twatbasket when they're little and letting them away with all sorts!

(... sorry, the family we worked for in Canada had a little girl, of 6, who was AWFULLY behaved. Wouldn't sit at the table without a temper tantrum, had screaming fits every night at bedtime etc. Wasn't until I had a few chats with her that she started to improve at all. GAH!)

Oh I know there's a need for discipline and that some people get it totally wrong or lack it. I'm just saying for me personally planning it in a structured way in advance would have stressed me out as I'd have felt under pressure. I know some people can work that way but I can't lol! Yet other things I plan in very close detail haha!

It's horrid when you see kids act that way and you know it's just down to shitty parenting, nothing more. My sister had a leaving party for her 5yo girl and there were about 5 or 6 others there, we put on an amazing princess party. All the time I was there I never once heard, please, thank you or any manners whatsoever. One in particular was such a brat it wound me up so much I had to walk out, screaming and shouting, demanding every damn thing, it scares me to think what kind of adult they will grow into.

And the sad thing is very often it's not hard, be consistent, follow through and be realistic, I know some people will have hard times with difficult children but not all of them. I couldn't work with kids, after 15mins of being at that party I wanted to scream at them all, I only really have ever got on with my own son and step kids, other peoples irritate me sadly :/

Yeah, it's so annoying. It's beyond infuriating when I can see why their kids a little sh*t, but they seem to think its cause of the kid not them!
I'm just one of those people who likes to have a plan, it makes me feel a lot less stressed! I think it's related to my anxiety, if I get stressed or worried about something I like to write out lists etc :tongue:

Kids make family complete!!!