General Relationship Thread

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Originally Posted by nightwolf

but what's the rush Monkey?

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No rush....its just I'm going to let myself become isolated again, and I need to want. I dunno. I was isolated, then Danielle came and I wasnt. And I am now to a large extent, it wont take long to be how I used to be.

I know its all stupid, but I just dont want to allow myself to do that, so its making me worry about the fact I dont actively want anyone else around me all that much.

But you're right, it all comes down to the fact that its only just happened. Just it feels like ages is all.

Thanks guys.

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Originally Posted by HELLS_MoNkEy

Youki, I'm glad that you guys have the respect for each other to talk about things properly. I hope it works out.


I dont wanna put a damper on this thread, but could people help me here?

I dont actually ever want to trust another girl the way I trust Danielle, I dont want to be so open, I dont want to be so comfortable, I dont want to find anyone that attractive, and have known that since a couple of years into our relationship.

Its just people say "you move on and find someone else", but I dont want to. And not to mention that I'm not confident on how I look....couple that with the fact that I have a 13mm labret and large septum etc that so many would find intimidating, I just dont see how this "move on, find someone else" rule will apply to me.

I know its only been a couple of weeks and all, but I have never had a friend like Danielle, and now I've lost it a bit.

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I had that comfort and everything you speak of having.. and since then I have never felt the same way about anyone. I haven't felt as comfortable, and I haven't trusted anyone as much.
Unfortunately for me, my first relationship at 15, for 2 years, was very intense and I fell for the guy very fast, and it left me empty. A year on since the last of the mess.. I can talk about him, and it doesn't hurt too bad. It still will hurt, and at times you will still feel like shite.
At the end of the day you can only take every day as it comes, and think for now, not for what tomorrow could bring. Don't be so negative about yourself! Plan things, take time out to care about yourself. Look at this time as a reflective period.

I shall quote from my panda insights book;

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Sad goes away - just don't rush it:-

You can't hurry sadness away any more than you can hurry away a dreary November day.
When it wants to go away, it will.

Sadness won't last forever, any more than winter does. So go ahead: Let tears fall, hug your arms around a heavy heat. And wait it out.

You'll find it easier enduring sad when you know it's just a matter of time.

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Hope that helps, always helps me :)

Oh Monkey *hugs*

I know the feeling. When Brian and I broke up I just wanted to curl up in a ball and never ever be with someone ever again. I loved him so much and he seemed so perfect for me. It takes a lot of time and to be completely honest quite a lot of effort...it was roughly the same time I started uni and so I was doing the whole having no friends thing and I just pushed myself to make friends and to consolidate the friends I already had. And now even though my relationship's a pile of crap I know I can love someone more than I loved Brian even though I never thought it possible, and I know that I've got good friends and so if I never had a relationship ever again I think I could be content. It took years and lots of time, but you've got lots of time...you're still so young, you have your entire life ahead of you to cock up and make stupid mistakes and to get your heart broken but also to meet the person you end up with forever and to have amazing moments with people.

Thanks Rozi and youki.

Thing is though, i dont have friends here :-|

And i know its strange, but it bugs me that it doesnt seem to bother her. In two weeks, she's suddenly gone to being out getting pissed 4 nights a week, having loads of fun etc. Its like I never even made an impact.

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Originally Posted by HELLS_MoNkEy

Thanks Rozi and youki.

Thing is though, i dont have friends here :-|

And i know its strange, but it bugs me that it doesnt seem to bother her. In two weeks, she's suddenly gone to being out getting pissed 4 nights a week, having loads of fun etc. Its like I never even made an impact.

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I think you have to remember though Monkey, chances are that she's not doing that because it's some latent dream she had while she was with you.

She's probably doing it because she's got no idea how to be on her own, doing the same things she would have done with you - but alone.

A lot of people don't know how to be alone and end up doing exactly the polar opposite to what comes naturally.

thing is, she's always been like that. I used to get "meh" answers to really quite important questions.

I suppose the ideals of having a serious relationship are nice, until you have to put in the effort.

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Originally Posted by HELLS_MoNkEy

Thanks Rozi and youki.

Thing is though, i dont have friends here :-|

And i know its strange, but it bugs me that it doesnt seem to bother her. In two weeks, she's suddenly gone to being out getting pissed 4 nights a week, having loads of fun etc. Its like I never even made an impact.

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Make some friends then. I know it's difficult, I know you're shy. I've been through that before as have half the people on the forum. I think the main reason you didn't make friends was you had her and so didn't feel the need to.

It's not strange, it's natural. And to be honest it's probably her way of coping "oh my godz...lets get really pissed that'll help." It's the reaction of loads of people I know when they have breakups.

Monkey...awww I just wanna give you a massssive hug. Everyone has given some really sound advice so mine is pretty pointless. So all I'll add is, just take some time out - concentrate on you; making you happy. You will heal eventually, even though right now it doesn't seem like a possibility. I've been there before and you think your heart will never stop acheing, but with everyday you think about them that little bit less, and less, and less...until one day you will look back and smile about the happy times you spent together.

And as many people have said, you are ridiculously yummy (you know I think that!) and you would have no trouble finding someone equally yummy- no matter how long it takes!I wish you the best, I really do; because you're amazing :)

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Originally Posted by emmmma

Monkey...awww I just wanna give you a massssive hug. Everyone has given some really sound advice so mine is pretty pointless. So all I'll add is, just take some time out - concentrate on you; making you happy. You will heal eventually, even though right now it doesn't seem like a possibility. I've been there before and you think your heart will never stop acheing, but with everyday you think about them that little bit less, and less, and less...until one day you will look back and smile about the happy times you spent together.

And as many people have said, you are ridiculously yummy (you know I think that!) and you would have no trouble finding someone equally yummy- no matter how long it takes!I wish you the best, I really do; because you're amazing :)

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Yeah, seriously. Come down to Birmingham and party with me :D I'm definitely coming to Leicester soon though and you're more than welcome to come along with us wherever we go.

I know that after breakups I tend to go mad with going out and drinking but usually I'm not remotely happy about it, just trying to forget - and I've done some really stupid stuff which has had a knock-on effect that lasted nearly 3 years, so definitely don't assume that Danielle's having the time of her life or anything. It's probably more just a distraction.

I really do feel for you though, I know that if me and Jake broke up I'd be just as lost as you are. I'm crap at making friends too, and don't have much confidence most of the time. Probably not helpful, but I think I know how you feel, or I can imagine at least. I hope you manage to find some people to talk to, or just hang around with sometimes at least.

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Originally Posted by HELLS_MoNkEy

thing is, she's always been like that. I used to get "meh" answers to really quite important questions.

I suppose the ideals of having a serious relationship are nice, until you have to put in the effort.

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aha, i know that feeling all to well.