General Relationship Thread

Ignore that prat who posted that, Emma. He clearly needs to gtfo.
I haven't really got much I can say about your situation other than good luck at whatever the outcome might be :)

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Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos

Thans everyone, I know what you're all trying to say about being better without him if he doesn't love me etc. But the sad fact is I know he does. He shows it and he's said it, he told me just on Tuesday how much he loves me and he'd do anything for me. That's what makes this hurt so much. He says he'd do anything for me but when I've asked him to try staying and working through things he just says "I don't know how"

He seems like he's in despair at the thought of not knowing how to fix us. He is convinced he's "broken" and can't be helped. But I can't help feeling that if he could just see things from a slightly happier point of view he's realise we HAVE been happy. I asked him if he'd faked happiness the past few months and he said no, he'd never do that. And yet he's been happy, singing, dancing when we were out for run on Monday night. He sat with me and laughed and helped as we booke dour holiday only 2 weeks ago. He was talking about us both going to Rockness soon.

I just cannot understand how all of that HAPPINESS and willingness to try to make things better has just been dismissed and thrown away in favour of being alone and doing nothing about us.

I appreciate to everyone else it sounds like he's been miserable and moping for 6 months and I've ignored it but I swear he's been acting the same as he was 2 years previously. We've been talking about what kind of house we'd both like, the type of sideboard we'd like in the living room, what sort of bedside table we'd have etc.

I don't have a "set future" in my head. I just sometimes ask him what he sees in the future. Usually I get some kind of answer. The past month he hasn't been able to give me one. And it's this sudden change and "depressed" state that's making me worry. He's almost irrational and treating problems as if they'r the end of the world. He even told me a month ago "I think I'm broken. I must be having a breakdown or something"

I hope you can all see where I got the depression conclusion from after reading this. This is very out of character. For someone who has acted like a happy kid until about a month ago

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Is it possible that he was happy because he was spending time with you, enjoying yourselves, but not in the way he sees it ? For him it may have just felt like two close friends having a trip together, not as a couple.

Maybe. But why has that changed so suddenly? He only brought this up for the first time a month ago. We had a perfectly healthy sex life til a month before that. We were arranging our future. It just hurts to see him like this :(

I don't know you Emma, nor do I post much, but it sounds to me like SakuraChan is right. However there is one way to know whether he is unhappy (with your relationship) or truly depressed.

Leave him be, show him you've accepted the end of the relationship (I know it's hard hun). If SakuraChan is right, then his 'depression' will lift.

I have been in a similar situation, a weak man who stayed with me when he wanted out, didn't know how to tell me, latched onto another girl (which was just a crush), made himself very very unhappy. Eventually I sent him away (it took me ages to realise what was happening) because I knew he didn't have the courage to end it.

One thing I will say, sometimes people behave very badly towards their partner to try and 'force' their partner to end things because they themselves are too scared to do it

It is hard finishing someone when you know how much they love you

sometimes people can still love their partner but not want to be together.

I hope this helps, and that you find some peace

best wishes, Zilli

Thank you Zilli. It's the knowing he still loves me that's making this so hard. If he hated me it wouldn't be so heartbreaking to see him push me away

But does he love you as a friend or a lover? That's the question. If it's not the latter, then that should make it easier.

Whatever the answer, it was weak and cruel of him to lead me on this whole time and make me believe he was planning our future together. So that doesn't change much tbh. If, as he claimed to his friend, he has been miserable for 6 months, maybe instead of bottling it up and getting worse he should have communicated.

Every time he looked sad I asked him what's up, is there anything I've done, is there anything I can do, are you sure you're happy. Everytime the answer was "I'm fine"

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Originally Posted by Tegoz_Marianos

Whatever the answer, it was weak and cruel of him to lead me on this whole time and make me believe he was planning our future together. So that doesn't change much tbh. If, as he claimed to his friend, he has been miserable for 6 months, maybe instead of bottling it up and getting worse he should have communicated.

Every time he looked sad I asked him what's up, is there anything I've done, is there anything I can do, are you sure you're happy. Everytime the answer was "I'm fine"

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I do agree, but then it isn't the easiest thing to do, I'm not supporting what he's done, it wasn't fair on you at all.

I personally would say to move on from him as best you can, you don't need to be messed around like this.

I had an awesome weekend away with Brandon. We had awesome cake on Friday night and last night and got to sleep cuddled close both nights. I wish we could go on vacation together more often. It was like honey mooning!

Sitting on the sofa at the moment on my new phone with Andy snoring with his head on my lap :3