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  • I've said my bit about mine and Robin's relationship in this thread before, I'll see if I can get get him to post his side to help people understand a little when he gets home.

    I keep telling him he should get an account on here lol.

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    • Personally I could never be in an open relationship. My opinion is that if you feel the need to snog/shag someone who isn't your boyfriend/girlfriend then either you aren't fulfilled by your partner and shouldn't be with them, you don't care enough about your partner and shouldn't be with them or you're just an attention seeker who wants people to want them. To me, being exclusive to someone is one of the main components of being in a relationship - it's deciding that you like/love that person enough to not want to be/need to be with anyone else.

      What is there to gain from shagging/snogging someone that isn't your partner?

      Before I get killed, that's just my opinion. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

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      • I have borderline personality disorder. I was at my boyfriends friends house with him and one of his friends not last night but the night before and I somehow got it into my head that Callum would prefer to be alone with the other girl (thanks, bpd) and got crazy upset and went to sit outside, alone. He came out after me. I wouldn't even look at him, I felt so bad and upset and angry at myself but he spent so long begging me to look at him and tell him what was wrong. Eventually I did and he spent even longer telling me how much he wanted to be with me and be alone with me and showering me in hugs and kisses. *sigh* I don't deserve him.

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        • Originally posted by wallflower View Post
          I have borderline personality disorder. I was at my boyfriends friends house with him and one of his friends not last night but the night before and I somehow got it into my head that Callum would prefer to be alone with the other girl (thanks, bpd) and got crazy upset and went to sit outside, alone. He came out after me. I wouldn't even look at him, I felt so bad and upset and angry at myself but he spent so long begging me to look at him and tell him what was wrong. Eventually I did and he spent even longer telling me how much he wanted to be with me and be alone with me and showering me in hugs and kisses. *sigh* I don't deserve him.
          Yes you do deserve him, time and time again I see you posting on here before callum came along, you're a nice person at heart, you just need to get your brain to stfu and realise this.

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          • You guys are all saying how easy it is to see each other at the drop of a hat if we are both free but it really isn't. There are barely any buses between the town I stay in and the village he's in, neither of us drive and our parents work long hours and can't take us. If one of us was to walk it would take about 45 minutes so that free hour? Gone. Aswell as that you would have to walk along a main road which has no pavement or lighting so its not safe.
            And like Stu said distance is irrelevent when your schedules clash. We both are in full time education with part time jobs aswell as having other commitments. Most days he isn't home from uni until 6 by which time we both have other things to do, he has tonnes of course work and so do I.
            I'm not meaning to say its worse than a LDR but it is imo far more frustrating, which is what I was trying to say.

            Also open relationships confuse me, I have mixed feeling about them, but tbh I think it depends what your boundaries are, like if my OH was to kiss some one else it wouldnt upset me too much aslong as a) I wasnt there b) it didnt lead to more and c) I didnt have to hear about it, but if they were having sex with people id be very very peed off!

            </essay>

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            • Originally posted by x_Clover_x View Post
              Personally I could never be in an open relationship. My opinion is that if you feel the need to snog/shag someone who isn't your boyfriend/girlfriend then either you aren't fulfilled by your partner and shouldn't be with them, you don't care enough about your partner and shouldn't be with them or you're just an attention seeker who wants people to want them. To me, being exclusive to someone is one of the main components of being in a relationship - it's deciding that you like/love that person enough to not want to be/need to be with anyone else.

              What is there to gain from shagging/snogging someone that isn't your partner?

              Before I get killed, that's just my opinion. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

              this is how i wanted to say it but couldnt, thank you.

              I understand what you mean about getting killed... apparently if your not 'open minded' you cant have an opinion.

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              • Dawn no one was saying you can't be open minded as you put it, I think it was more the harsh wording of saying it can't be love and judging it for them but you've since corrected the post so it's fine. No one is attacking you or anything.

                Everyone has varied opinions but sometimes it's quite interesting to hear it from the other side, despite our own personal views and feelings.

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                • About the open relationship deal..I don't see the point. Imo a relationship is meant to be exclusive, if it's not you may as well just be single.
                  I suppose it works for some people, but it could never work for me.
                  I would constantly be wondering who they're f*cking, wondering why they feel it necessary to do so, etc.
                  Plus where do you draw the line?
                  Are they allowed to hang out with the people they f*ck around with? I just don't get it.
                  I'm not judging anyone else for it, I just know it would kill me.

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                  • I can see why people do the open relationship thing.

                    I'm open minded to pretty much anything within reason. I can understand if there is no emotional attachment why some people would be ok with it. Even if it's for something as simple as a fetish that your partner doesn't like.

                    However... I'm incredibly possessive when it comes to sex! It would drive me mad if my boyfriend was having sex with other people. Purely for the fact I know I can give him everything he wants so why does he need to go looking? lol.

                    I guess I'm lucky that we have an awesome sexual connection.

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                    • I think polyamorous relationships can work, and in many ways be more fulfilling than a monogamous relationship because they're (in my opinion) less selfish. I know they're not for everyone and I can completely understand why - when I am in a monogamous relationship I really do have to work on my jealousy at times and for most people the idea of their partner having a close bond or long term sexual relationship with another person is just too much to cope with.

                      I think the idea of being able to share an intimate and loving bond with more than one person sounds pretty awesome to me, and I have witnessed a number of people I know find true love within a group. Obviously it's pretty alien to a lot of people in the Western world in particular because we put so much stock in the nuclear family and monogamy, so it's going to be harder to see the benefits.

                      If I were ever in a position to try it then I probably would. That's not to say that I am actively seeking it but if I met a group of people who I could form a physical and emotional bond with, that didn't have the limitation of monogamy, then I would definitely want to explore it.

                      However I do not feel that I could share my partner if we had formed a monogamous bond. Maybe for infrequent sexual encounters, but that's not really suitable for the forum.
                      Last edited by .Only.Streetlights.; 11-19-2009, 07:08 PM.

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                      • Originally posted by Kaitey (: View Post
                        If one of us was to walk it would take about 45 minutes so that free hour? Gone. Aswell as that you would have to walk along a main road which has no pavement or lighting so its not safe.
                        When I go up to see Simon I have to leave the house 45 minutes before the bus leaves to get there in time. I'm on the bus for 2 1/2 to 3 hours depending on the bus. Then I have to walk 10 minutes to the underground, often more if it's busy. Then I wait for the train, then I have to travel for an hour and a bit on the underground. Then I have to walk 15 minutes to his house. Oh and it costs a lot of money. One time when I popped up it cost me 72, and that's not including the money it cost on the underground.

                        If you have a day off you can go round. I have to have at least a couple of days to make it worthwhile. And he's in a full time job and tutors on a Saturday morning.

                        I can see how it's frustrating but you did say your situation was worse than LD, which actually kind of upset me.

                        I'm not going to push it any further, because it sounds like I'm nagging and being really nasty. Which really wasn't the intention at all.

                        I can't wait until next week, I get to see Simon on Saturday and I might even stay on Sunday too! It'll be the first time in weeks and weeks that I've spent more than a few hours with him at a time. Mostly I spend more time travelling there and back than I do actually with him! I'm really looking forward to it. I might persuade him to go to the theatre or the cinema or something. Ohhh...and I might get to have more than a quick ten minute tumble because we won't have loads of things to sort while I'm there.

                        Not that I'm complaining about sorting stuff while I'm there. It's meant that we should hopefully have a flat, which is great. It'll just be nice not having to run off and do something.

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                        • I wouldn't mind one boyfriend...never mind three.

                          *runs out*

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                          • Blahblahblahstabbydiediestab.

                            I understand, really I do, that you've just got together and are in that honeymoon stage, etc, but FFS stop stroking each other and pointing out lovebites while I'm trying to eat my dinner!.

                            Gah, I really can't stand this. What's even more annoying is that we've been planning a girly night, and I thought 'great, an evening to spend with them, without being forced to watch them being all affectionate' ... it's been arranged for the night that Benji's coming up. So now I can't go.

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                            • Lovebites in open places are so childish.
                              Really annoys me when I have to look at people's necks or chest that look like disease.
                              If you're going to do that at least make it somewhere where people don't have to see!

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                              • Youki (and everyone else in on the LRD-SDR argument... sorry you just seem the most bothered), Kaitey said that short distance is worse in a way, she didn't flat out say it is worse, and has since clarified that she meant it can be more frustrating as she knows she should be able to see her boyfriend more often than she can and can't even blame distance.

                                You're all being obtuse.
                                Last edited by Pineapple; 11-19-2009, 09:50 PM.

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