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  • We couldn't though, thats what I'm saying. I'm talking from my experience. There were times we didn't see each other for 3 weeks, and this is someone who when I was at work, I was halfway the distance to her house.

    I couldn't exactly go to hers at 7am in the morning after work (bear in mind, I did 12 hour shifts, not 8 hour), to go OH HAI, and then she has to go to uni half an hour later, because after a 12 hour shift I'd be on the point of collapse.

    It's not just a flat out "oh long distance is worse than short distance", because there are many circumstances in short distance where you see people less than long distance. A friend of mine at my workplace said one of his relationships fell apart due to the fact that in the space of about 3-4 weeks, the only time he ever saw his partner at the time was when they passed each other in their cars, mid journey, when he was coming home from work, and she was going.

    Personal circumstances, work patterns, and everything make as much difference as distance, and as I said, given I'm in the mix of a long distance, and have done the short distance but without time to see each other, it feels no different, if you can't see someone, you can't see them, the distance is irrelevant.

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    • I have to agree with Stuh that it's the length of time and not the distance.

      My relationship has been both long distance (kinda) when I was at Uni and not long distance as we now live 5 minutes from each other.

      If anything, I find it more frustrating being so close to him in terms of distance and yet not being able to see him because our schedules clash.

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      • I think part of the point the LDers are trying to make is IF you both find you do have a free day, few hours, etc.. when you're a long way away, that makes no difference.. you still need to find the time to get there and back and think about it practically/financially/etc. Whereas if you're 10 minutes away from eachother and you suddenly have this time, EASY.

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        • Originally posted by IckleNatStar View Post
          It's not something I'd be able to do either dawn but everyone's different aren't they so I guess it just works for some people. I don't think it's fair to say it's not love though

          i just cant see how its love though...

          i may have come across harsh in my last post... but im just tryin to understand how you could love someone an then be ok with them sleeping with other women an you sleeping with other men... iv always seen that as cheating... but with consent.



          I cant seem to get across what im meaning to say without it commin out wrong.

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          • I think I get what you're saying dawn. It's not something you can comprehend? I certainly can't. A relationship like that would destroy me but not everything thinks like me so if it works for others and they're in love that really makes no difference to me

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            • yeah... id like to speak to both parties in that kind of relationship... ask them how they really feel about it......

              I'll be honest, id hate the thought of someone havin a good ol' time with my fella.... harmful weapons would be used.

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              • Originally posted by cherryd69 View Post
                yeah... id like to speak to both parties in that kind of relationship... ask them how they really feel about it......

                I'll be honest, id hate the thought of someone havin a good ol' time with my fella.... harmful weapons would be used.
                You'd be surprised at their answers.

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                • I personally wouldn't be able to do it either but I respect the decision of anyone else and if they feel it's love then who am I to question it?

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                  • *edit* in response to Nightwolf*

                    No doubt i would...

                    I suppose to enter in a relationship along them lines you would have to have alot of self confidance... i mean.. not just in looks but ability in the sack..
                    I guess your partner would also have to have alot too..

                    Questions and doubts would pop up all the time in my head.. normal feelings of was she better than me?, did he like her more....

                    How about them that are in a partialy open relationship then.... like only one of them is sleeping around whilst the other was being totaly faitful...

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                    • Originally posted by Felidae View Post
                      I personally wouldn't be able to do it either but I respect the decision of anyone else and if they feel it's love then who am I to question it?

                      Like i said before i came across wrong in my first post on it..

                      im just trying to understand it.

                      I guess i see 'love' different to alot of ppl then.

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                      • Originally posted by cherryd69 View Post
                        *edit* in response to Nightwolf*

                        No doubt i would...

                        I suppose to enter in a relationship along them lines you would have to have alot of self confidance... i mean.. not just in looks but ability in the sack..
                        I guess your partner would also have to have alot too..

                        Questions and doubts would pop up all the time in my head.. normal feelings of was she better than me?, did he like her more....

                        How about them that are in a partialy open relationship then.... like only one of them is sleeping around whilst the other was being totaly faitful...
                        It does happen, I actually asked my housemate about this and was similar to yourself, I wasn't quite as wary about it.

                        This is a poly relationship they have which is slightly different to an open relatonship.

                        My friend is incredibly confident woman, but things go slowly, it isn't a case of 'ok were together, now I'm going to sleep with such and such', it takes time and you have to be comfortable with each other for it to wrok.

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                        • Originally posted by soozface View Post
                          I think part of the point the LDers are trying to make is IF you both find you do have a free day, few hours, etc.. when you're a long way away, that makes no difference.. you still need to find the time to get there and back and think about it practically/financially/etc. Whereas if you're 10 minutes away from eachother and you suddenly have this time, EASY.
                          Yeah I get that point, but thats not the point I'm making. Regardless of it being easier to arrange WHEN there is a free day, to meet, sometimes you can have less free days, then those in long distance relationships. I'm living proof right now, because I see Caz as much as I saw my ex in the last 6 months of us being together, maybe even a little more, plus my ex didn't like MSN or anything like that, so talking to her a lot wasn't always an option.

                          Throw in the fact I am now doing 9-5's so am on exactly the same schedule as Caz, the ONLY problem is the distance, whereas with my ex it was my ever changing shift patterns, her at uni and studying, me at band rehearsals all the time, studying myself etc.

                          As I say, it's not a flat out "short distance means you see each other more", it's not a guaranteed thing.

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                          • Originally posted by cherryd69 View Post
                            Like i said before i came across wrong in my first post on it..

                            im just trying to understand it.

                            I guess i see 'love' different to alot of ppl then.
                            I agree with you. I couldn't be with someone who wanted a relationship like that.

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                            • Originally posted by cherryd69 View Post
                              How about them that are in a partialy open relationship then.... like only one of them is sleeping around whilst the other was being totaly faitful...

                              It's possible to have sex without love, and it is possible to have love without sex, so some people can separate the 2 without much fuss. Ideally in an open relationship (in the ones that work, anyway) all the people involved are able to make this distinction, and really mean it. Just saying it to keep your partner happy would be catastrohpic.

                              I don't have any first hand experience of an open relationship (personally, I'd be racked with guilt/jealousy) but it can work, say, if two people are madly in love, but have completely incompatible sex drives. If sex is very important to someone, on a merely physical level, and their other half isn't interested in it and is happy for them to release their bound up energy elsewhere, then I think that sort of agreement would be the saving of the relationship.

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                              • I couldn't do it personally. I get a bit jealous about the fact that I know one of Simon's friends would jump his bones if he let her. And he gets madly jealous that a couple of my friends wouldn't say no if I asked them out.

                                And Stuh, my one point was she sees her boyfriend at least once or twice a week and was saying it was worse than LD. Whereas most people in long distance would be ecstatic to see each other that much.

                                Although I really can't complain because in a couple of weeks or so I'll be living with my guy. And I know that makes me so lucky.

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