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  • Originally posted by HELLS_MoNkEy View Post
    hmmm. Best to feel cheated out of 9 months than 2 years, 4 years, 10 years so on, so on.

    I wasted a 5th of my life so far on Danielle ha.
    Oh that is a depressing thought.. you'll get over the feeling of waste I hope.. and call it 'an experience'

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    • Originally posted by soozface View Post
      I don't know, I think it's gone past the point of fond memories being salvaged from the situation and moving on..

      I think if it ends here, i'll just feel cheated.. I put all this time in, I put my life on hold for someone I could never actually have. It's been 9 months I think.. I'm kind of in the mindset of 'I've been doing it this long, I can keep going'.. i don't want to break myself.. not yet.


      If he ends it with me, I can at least have some kind of moral high ground to keep me focused.. bleurgh, it all sounds like one big game.. I don't DO relationships (perhaps why I secretly like the way we work, aside from my lonely moments).

      At the end of the day, I'm happier, so much happier, than I was before this started and I love him..

      I don't know if this is all linked to other situations I've worked through with people.. or if it's me, just scared to let go of a fantasy.

      Thank you for the advice though.. I will TRY and talk to him about it tomorrow.. (later today)
      That's what I always said, I wanted us to be the couple who defeated the odds and ended up marrying their high school sweetheart..didn't work out and it just left us both extremely hurt.

      Originally posted by soozface View Post
      Oh that is a depressing thought.. you'll get over the feeling of waste I hope.. and call it 'an experience'
      That's how I tried to see that relationship.
      I mean, partially it was a waste, but I did learn a lot and feel more able to have a healthy relationship with my current boyfriend.

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      • My most recent relationship was a combo of in person and long distance, met my Finnish girlfriend while she was here on a working holiday visa and we were together for 19 months before she had to go home. That was August last year.

        Heaps of shit has happened between then and now...including me going there for three months to check out the place and living and working prospects for me while she finished her studies. In the end, she is there, I'm here and we both hate it because we're both still super in love with each other but unfortunately there's no practical way around it. I'm unprepared (for good reasons) to give up my life and career here and she can't give up her study there at the moment...it's a shitty position to be in :( We are pretty much living separate lives kinda thing and open to seeing other people but staying in touch until one or the other of us can budge on living situation in a year down the track and seeing where we are then. Chances are we'll be at different stages or have changed...I know this break up has changed me heaps already...but you never know.

        Are there prospects for the OP and his/her partner on this issue to be together in the future? Or is it always going to be long distance? And how long? Sorry, I can't really track down where this issue originally came up in this thread.

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        • We're both in the UK at the moment, but he's in the north, I'm in the south.

          He's originally from Perth, Australia (not Scotland) and he has a house out there and a daughter.. but he's been over here for more than a year and he doesn't yet know what to do about going back.

          He originally moved over here to be with his ex.. and we were just friends at that time, and after they broke up.. we got closer and things developed.. but that's also where so many of his issues have stemmed from.

          He's staying here, he's moved his studies over here recently (he was on a gap year when he originally moved) but he just wont be with me probably.. he's scared of me doing what his ex did to him.. and I don't know how to convince him we're not all evil wenches..

          When this started (back in Feb, I think), he told me he was going back to Aus in August.. he didn't.. he says he's still here for me, I don't know.. but I would move to the other side of the world to be with him, I feel like i have nothing to lose right now, heh.

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          • Errrrmmmm, okay...excuse me if I sound *insert word here* but is that really a hard distance to manage? Can you guys not see each other on weekends?

            Well, I could definitely think of worse places to move to than Australia...try Finland for example? I didn't really like the -15 degree/dark all the time bullshit all the time just for a start.

            So I have received at least five (admittedly only semi serious) marriage proposals from UK women who would love to settle in Australia so you're already halfway there having a man to do it with and if you've got nothing to lose at the moment then there's probably no better time to do it.

            Unfortunately I turned 30 this year, which cuts down on my visa opportunities (working holiday visa cut off is 30) and also means I'm fairly entrenched in my 'career' and have accumulated an adult lifetime worth of furniture and 'stuff' that I'm not prepared to sell and then having nothing, or not prepared to store and pay extortionate storage costs.

            The one thing I have to say, be wary of the "I'm staying here for you." When my ex decided to stay the extra year, I know it was partially about me but also because (a) she LOVED Australia and (b) she was not nearly ready to go home and return to her studies. But now whenever we fight, it's like she made this grand sacrifice for our relationship...which I know is partially true, but not entirely...her decision was her decision and to be honest, she didn't ask me for much input into it.

            Also, I guess what weighed on my mind is why you would make a move and what else is involved. Probably the main reason I didn't move to Finland was that if shit all went wrong, there was nothing else for me there except her if that makes sense. It's not like I had a whole bunch of friends and so on and if we broke up, I could move on with life. Maybe that would have changed over time but Finland would probably never be a place I would settle if it hadn't been for her. I would have had to have returned to Australia to no apartment, no furniture, no money, no job and at my age, that just wasn't acceptable. sometimes you think no risk, no reward but sometimes the risks are just too great...

            If he's moved his studies there, that seems to indicate a semi permanent intention to stay, if you're prepared to move to the other side of the world, why not down to south UK? Admittedly, it's not Australia but.....

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            • WARNING: Filled with mushy gushy content. Feel free to ignore.

              Ah, I love my man soo much. <3
              He stayed over last night (and will be until Friday at least) and it was just so awesome.
              Almost every time he does, we lay on the futon, talk, laugh, and cuddle for at least an hour after we said we'd go to bed.
              It just makes me really happy to know that we're able to be like that.
              I feel like a lot of relationships are just dead, not much to say to each other, and not best friends the way that me and Brandon are.
              I can't really imagine being without him now.
              All the things he was saying..just make me smile so much.
              Like, he was blowing on my neck and sometimes I'm really ticklish there so I was laughing like a maniac and I apologized for how ridiculous I sounded, to which he responded, "But it's so cute, it reminds me of a little kid."
              And we just kissed repeatedly for a few minutes straight like we like to do.
              He also at one point said, "I regret to inform you..that I'm in love with you." To which I said, "And you regret this why?" He said, "Because now you can't get rid of me." Which in a way made me smile, because I want him to stick around, for a long time.
              He also said how he's really glad to have me in his life.
              It was just a really nice night, I love when he lays on me and kisses me everywhere.
              *squees all over the place*
              Last edited by tacosareyummeh; 11-18-2009, 08:10 PM.

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              • Awwww...that sounds so lovely Alex.

                Simon and I have lovely evenings like that too. It's nice to know that even after a couple of years it can still happen. It's why I know that Simon and I are the real thing. We still get butterflies and still have the same passion and fun and excitement to be together even affter two years. I know so many couples who just don't want to have sex anymore, don't want to spend time laughing anymore and just don't seem to appreciate each others company in the same way.

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                • Ffs he's trying to get a job at uni now. I'm not bothered about him doing things its just so annoying because it hard to see each other with uni , never mind a job as well. It is not about LDR's i hate them i hate them i hate them!

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                  • Originally posted by Steph>>Manchestarrr View Post
                    Ffs he's trying to get a job at uni now. I'm not bothered about him doing things its just so annoying because it hard to see each other with uni , never mind a job as well. It is not about LDR's i hate them i hate them i hate them!
                    Its abit nasty to say he can't get a job, funding yourself at uni is incredibly hard and the extra cash could mean seeing you, regardless of how hard it is already..

                    silver lining and whatnot..

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                    • Originally posted by nightwolf View Post
                      Its abit nasty to say he can't get a job, funding yourself at uni is incredibly hard and the extra cash could mean seeing you, regardless of how hard it is already..

                      silver lining and whatnot..
                      Except that he is better of money wise at uni than he was when he was at home with a job so he isnt acctualy funding him self.
                      His mum and dad pay his rent, so his loan is all his (same as me) and thats about 300 a month better off than he used to be.

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                      • Originally posted by Youki-Hi View Post
                        Awwww...that sounds so lovely Alex.

                        Simon and I have lovely evenings like that too. It's nice to know that even after a couple of years it can still happen. It's why I know that Simon and I are the real thing. We still get butterflies and still have the same passion and fun and excitement to be together even affter two years. I know so many couples who just don't want to have sex anymore, don't want to spend time laughing anymore and just don't seem to appreciate each others company in the same way.
                        It really was Genni.
                        I'm glad things are like that with you Simon too, it makes me really happy to know that other people still have the spark they had long ago.
                        Gives me lots of hope.

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                        • Originally posted by Steph>>Manchestarrr View Post
                          Except that he is better of money wise at uni than he was when he was at home with a job so he isnt acctualy funding him self.
                          His mum and dad pay his rent, so his loan is all his (same as me) and thats about 300 a month better off than he used to be.
                          Are you talking to him about it?

                          Its still better to have a job, specially given 2nd/3rd year are incredibly difficult so having a job really isn't a good idea at those times.

                          You'd be surprised how quickly 300 a month disappears.

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                          • Originally posted by nightwolf View Post
                            Are you talking to him about it?

                            Its still better to have a job, specially given 2nd/3rd year are incredibly difficult so having a job really isn't a good idea at those times.

                            You'd be surprised how quickly 300 a month disappears.
                            It's actually more like 500 a month. He's 300 better off because he had 200ish a month at home.
                            Not realy talking to him about it but i will do at some point.
                            I just dont see the point, i know how much he spends about a week and i have about the same amount myself so i know how its goes (i find it hard to spend that much). Why have a job when you dont need one, dont really have the time and then spend even less time seeing the people he apparently wants to see.

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                            • Well maybe he's using it to take up extra time so he doesn't have to think about how much he misses you.

                              And having a job during uni always looks good on your CV. If all you have is educational experience employers assume you're a spoilt little rich kid who doesn't know how to work. Not necessarily true, but it's a common assumption.

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                              • Maybe but I doubt it (nice idead though), and he's had jobs before. I think its because his loan hasn't come in yet and his mum and dad are subing him the money until it does, so he feels bad keep asking. When he gets it in he will realise he doesn't need a job but he might already have one then.

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