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  • *huggles Kaitey* i'm sure it'll work out alright in the end

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    • Best of luck with everything Kaitey -hugs-

      I need some advice on, well...ending it.

      Me and Mike have such an amazing friendship, we are always on the same level and I could never run out of things to talk to him about. I've never met anyone like that before, I really do think he's my best friend. But the truth is, there's no romance left. I don't feel right being with him (in more sense than one) anymore.

      I understand it wouldn't be easy staying friends, though we have always said we'd put our friendship before our relationship (easier said than done). I can't for the life of me find the right opportunity to say any of this, let alone actually get out words. I don't even know how to say it, how to get this across. I'm seeing him today and contemplating asking for a break and seeing where it goes from there. I feel awful, I don't want to hurt him or upset him at all, he's my best friend and that's why I've been put off doing it for a month or so but it's inevitable.

      We've got two gigs coming up together too so we'll have to see each other, it's just all a bit..argh.

      :(

      EDIT: But at the same time, I find myself thinking "Well there's no harm in us staying together, he treats me amazingly well and is so caring and considerate and we are amazing friends, why would I want to ruin that?" so now, I'm just stuck. I know I'm not enjoying this as a romantic relationship as such, as I said before I think the romance and spark has gone, I don't get excited around him any more but I love spending time with him, just messing about at his with food and PS3 or going out for a drink and stuff that friends do.

      Hmm, pickle city hah.
      Last edited by ciderxwithxrosie; 11-08-2009, 11:28 AM.

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      • That's a difficult situation to be in.

        All you can do really is tell him what you've said here, that you appreciate him as a friend but don't feel the spark anymore and haven't for a while. Let him know you want to stay friends and tell him you'll do what he wants to make that possible, whether it's give him space or what.

        You'll also really have to leave things in his hands. He's the one whose been broken up with and he's the one who defines on what terms you continue you your friendship. I'm sure with some time and space it'll be fine.

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        • I hope so, I'll give him all the time in the world for him to decide what he wants. I'm not seeing him today anymore as he's gotta stay in with his sister who's ill but we've arranged to meet up on Wednesday and I think I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table and see how he reacts.

          It's just something that's naturally happened I think, we both act like friends so much more nowadays. Sex and any big passionate moments are rare and have taken a backseat to us going out more, spending time with his friends as a big group and it's been wonderful. That is what I want. But it's not up to me what's the end result, as you said Genni, it's up to him.

          Thanks

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          • Can I just add, asking for a 'break' is one of the most cruel things to imo. It's like saying you're not quite sure what you want, but that you're leaving your options open and your partner in limbo until you can make your mind up.

            I suppose how you define 'a break' as well, if it's just spending time apart from each other, can't you do that anyway? If you want to like, play the field a little bit, then it's not fair to ask the other person to hang back and wait for you to decide if you like them best after all.

            If he says yeah to the break, what would you do in the 'time-out' period?

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            • Oh god, I'd never wanna play the field if I was still in attachment with someone :o hahaha, not that you were implying it to me but I'd just like to make that very clear, I do not like anyone else or have any interests in being with anyone for a long time.

              Basically there's a lot going on in my life atm, I've had an appalling week topped with some bad news in the family and everything a bit cloudy. I thought a break from Mike, which I'd define as having little contact with them for a limited time, would be like a step back to just view what I have infront of me and ordering my priorities. I need to be a billion percent sure this is definitely and ultimately what I want before doing anything drastic, we have been together 14 months so things will be weird for a while when this ends for both of us.

              Okay, maybe a break isn't a good idea in retrospect and you're right, I wouldn't want to leave him hanging on my words, it's as much his relationship as mine. I think I'm just gonna have to set it straight like Genni said originally and take that step back and give him time to adjust and hopefully a few months down the line we'd be able to re-bond all over again as friends (hopefully being the main word there).
              Last edited by ciderxwithxrosie; 11-08-2009, 04:19 PM.

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              • I was in a similar situation and I'm friends with my ex now.

                It took a long time and we didn't tank much at all for the first year. Now we're able to hang out like friends and it's nice.

                Be prepared for him to not want to see you.

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                • I am Eilidh, I am. Glad things worked out for you and your ex though, it seems to be such a rare thing.

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                  • In my experience because you're the one ending it the whole thing is a little easier to deal with because you've already started to come to terms with it.

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                    • ^Agreed.

                      I'm sure this decision will hurt him, but hopefully he can understand it at the same time.
                      It sounds like you guys have a really good thing going (friendship wise) and if things are as spark less as you say then maybe he'll be more understanding than hurt.

                      Good luck.

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                      • It's probably also better doing it now than to carry on stalling and just end up arguing etc and ruining any last vestiges of friendship. A quick clean break up is the best for everyone involved.

                        Good luck. It's horrible breaking up with someone. I hope it doesn't go too badly.

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                        • Thanks guys, appreciate all the comments and advice. I'll let you know how it goes when it happens.

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                          • ahem.

                            Ohai thread.

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                            • Originally posted by .Only.Streetlights. View Post
                              ahem.

                              Ohai thread.
                              I'll join you in this

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                              • I knew this was coming

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